


Breaking the Silence

by BecknFire



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Protective Brian Kinney (Queer as Folk), lemon lemon everywhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-24 12:40:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30072366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BecknFire/pseuds/BecknFire
Summary: Justin Taylor went missing a year ago; Brian has been looking for him ever since. When he finds him Justin won't talk about the last year and what happened during it. Will Brian be able to break the silence and the hold it has over them? Post 513 (Crossposted from FF.net)
Relationships: Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

____  
Chapter 1: Chapter 1  
________________________________________  
  


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Prologue

  
Brian shifted in his bed pushing his face into the sheets, the shrill sound of his buzzer was echoing through his loft. Groaning Brian grabbed a pillow and pushed it down onto his head wishing they would go away. Ten minutes passed and the buzzer was still being hit. "Mother fucker," stumbling from the bed Brian made his way down the stairs his feet slapping against the floor. He was going to kill whoever was at the door, brutally maim them then he was going to hide the body. Blinking a few times to get the blur in front of his eyes to disappear he slammed his hand down onto the buzzer. "What," the word was snapped like a whip and Brian leaned against the wall his head pounding slightly. Maybe he shouldn't have drank those last shots.

"Brian Kinney?" The voice radiated from the small intercom crackling slightly from the machine.

"Yes," Brian resisted the urge to curse at whoever was on the other end of the intercom. Really if they needed to ask who he was then they really weren't that important to him right now. After all they had woken him up at some god-forsaken time in the morning. Brian blinked lazily glancing out his windows, ok so maybe it wasn't morning but it was still god-forsaken.

"This is the police, we need to speak to you about Justin Taylor."

Brian froze, his breath caught in his throat, "wh-what," the word was choked out. Brian could feel his hand tremble slightly.

"We need to speak to you about Justin Taylor."

The words seemed to echo before Brian pushed the button to open the downstairs door with a trembling finger. Oh god not again, the thought rang out through Brian's mind as he stood by the intercom his heart racing. Slowly he breathed; panicking wasn't going to do him any good. He just had to stay calm and –fuck being calm.

Brian hit the wall his breaths coming out in short pants, he needed to get dressed the cops would be here at any moment.

Moving toward his bedroom Brian ran a hand through his hair in frustration. A million things were racing through his head, another bashing, a car wreck, a mugging. He tugged his pants on quickly the material scrapping his thighs. Why did shit always happen to the blond. Justin had been there just a few weeks ago visiting him. Brian shook his head as the pounding of the door reached his ear, he grabbed a shirt pulling it over his head as he walked. There was a sinking feeling in the bottom of his gut, a harsh heat that gripped him that he couldn't shake. He'd felt this way twice before, once when he had held Justin in his arms as the other male was dying and again when the bombing had occurred.

Unlocking the door Brian slid it open, the rattling of the metal hinges increasing his agitation. Two men met his gaze Brian nodded and let them in before moving to his couch without a word. A cigarette was in his hand a moment later and smoke then filled his lungs. "What happened?" The words were harsh and they came out with a puff of smoke.

Hazel eyes locked onto the two men that were standing parallel to him. They weren't noticeable by any means, both had plain faces and average builds and if you crossed them on the street you probably wouldn't look twice. Brian fucking hated cops.

"I'm officer Brown and this is officer Choppa, we'd like to ask you a few questions Mr. Kinney in regards to Justin Taylo-"

"What happened," Brian shot into the cops statement before taking another long drag of his cigarette. He wasn't in any mood to play nice, he wanted to know what had happened and he wanted to know now.

Officer Brown huffed out a breath in annoyance at the interruption, the man before him was rude and from what the cop could tell a complete asshole. Just the thing he needed to make his day.

"As I was saying we'd like to ask you a few questions in regards to Justin Taylor's disappearance."

Disappearance…Brian shifted at the word. Justin was missing, how the hell could he be missing. The blond was supposed to be working on some new painting in his studio. Sure he could be obtrusive when he was working but that didn't mean he was gone.

"What do you mean disappearance?" Brian let the cancer stick sit in his fingers as he looked at the cop a harsh glint in his eye.

"Justin Taylor was reported missing three days ago by his roommate." The cop paused letting the information sink into Brian's brain, he couldn't help but notice the slight trembling of the man's hand, barely noticeable unless you knew what you were looking for. "When was the last time you saw Mr. Taylor?"

"Last Saturday, I dropped him off at the airport for his flight back to New York." They had done it time and time again, Brian would drive Justin to the airport and they would say "Later" before Brian would leave. Fuck what if that was the last thing he said to Justin? He took another drag off of his cigarette before exhaling the smoke slowly. Fuck.

"According to his roommate he never made it back to New York Mr. Kinney."

Fuck.  
________________________________________  
Chapter One

  
900,000 people go missing in the US each year-Brian only gave a flying fuck about one of them. Shifting back in his chair the brunette ran a hand through his hair. Justin had been missing for a year now, a year and the fucking cops never found out where he went or what happened. It was, as they say a mystery, how could a 21 year old go missing in the middle of an airport? It wasn't like it was some back alley where shady characters lurked. Apparently that didn't matter though because Justin was still missing. The cops had stopped looking, Debbie had stopped looking, even Jennifer had stopped looking. Brian never stopped. He couldn't.

After a few months everyone had given up hope, they had accepted the fact that Justin was never coming back-that he was gone from their lives. Brian hated them for it sometimes but in reality he couldn't begrudge them of their decision. The facts were overwhelming; there were no ransoms, no demands, and no messages from kidnappers. There was nothing to indicate that Justin was alive. There wasn't even the slightest glimmer of hope.

Brian drug his tongue across his dry lips before turning toward his computer. Every day he would try to find something that indicated that his lover was alive. He dug desperately through news articles and every day he would be left with the sinking feeling of failure in his stomach. He wasn't the only one looking though. Brian was pouring thousands of dollars into a Private Investigators pocket even though so far the man hadn't been able to track anything down. Ted and Cynthia were the only ones who knew what he was doing. Cynthia knew because she had found him drunk in his office once and it had all spilled out and Ted knew because he was his fucking accountant. Well that wasn't true Emmett seemed to know what he was doing but how he knew still remained a mystery.

"Boss," there was a knock on his door, a formality really because it was already opened.

"What?" Cynthia didn't back down from the tone merely stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. She knew damn well why her boss was in a mood it was that time of day, the time where Brian would scour the news online to see if Justin had turned up anywhere. She sometimes thought it was hopeless but Brian didn't and who was she to question him about this. The blond was the best thing that had ever happened to her boss and if Brian thought there was hope-well maybe there was.

"You need to review the Eyeconics account boss," her tone held no nonsense and she tilted her head to the side before tapping her long fingernails on her waist.

"Where are the boards?" Brian sounded tired and worn like a record that had been played too many times.

"On the table," Cynthia motioned behind her to the glass table several black boards were lined up on it displaying the latest product. Brian pushed back from his desk and strode across the room before examining the boards, 'Orange is the new blue'. The words echoed in his mind as he noted the bright orange font scrolling across the picture.

"They're fine," Cynthia nodded at the words before gathering the boards and moving towards the door watching as her boss braced his hands on the table before leaving the room.

_'I decided you should take me back.'_

The vase hit the wall; water, flowers and glass hitting the floor, a chair followed and Brain slammed his hands down onto the table his breath coming out in pants. "Fuck you Justin, where the hell are you?" Saline water dripped onto the table.

Brian shook slightly his hands trembling before he stood running his hands down his jacket and pants straightening them. He needed to get out of here. Brian walked to his desk shutting down his computer and grabbing his briefcase. Words were echoing in his skull pounding against his brain. He shoved his arms into his coat and slipped on his gloves as he walked. The walls of Kinnetic seemed to be closing in on him, suffocating him.

_'Why are we still doing this if we both know it's never going to work.'_

The cold wind ripped through Brain's coat as he left Kinnetic. He moved toward his car snow and slush crunching beneath his feet as he dug for his keys with one hand his briefcase held in the other. Some flakes of snow hit his cheek melting almost instantly, his hand groped in his pocket for another moment before he slipped the keys from them and pushed the right one into the door of the vette. A second later he was throwing his briefcase to the passengers seat and turning the car on. The engine turned over and he pulled his seatbelt across him clicking it into place. A deep guitar started to play through his speakers as he pulled out of the parking space into traffic.

The snow whirled around his car as he drove through the streets quickly hitting the highway. He turned the radio up a little louder trying to drown out the voice in his head. He was itching for a cigarette but he didn't want to roll down the window while it was snowing and get the frozen liquid in his car.

_'You're not getting rid of me.'_

Brian turned the radio up a little louder the beat thumping through the car as he drove down the highway, the area around him getting more rustic with each passing mile. He could never escape him, he could never take enough drugs or have enough sex or drink enough alcohol. They didn't understand that every day when he woke up he would hear Justin's voice. That every day he would reach across the bed to meet cold sheets and feel as if his heart was being ripped out.

Nobody knew that he wrote emails to Justin that were never sent-that he had several of the blond's paintings and that he would stare at them. He'd stopped trying to escape Justin.

He'd stopped having sex about six months back because every time he did he would hear Justin's moans in his ears. He'd hear the slight hitch in Justin's breath when he hit his prostate. He would smell Justin's shampoo. When it was over though he realized that it wasn't Justin and he felt as if he was hollow. The blond was everywhere, in the streets, in the diner, in Babylon, he was always there like some sort of a demented mirage.

_'You bought this palace.'_

Brain turned into the driveway reaching his hand up to hit the button that would open the gates. Britin was covered in a layer of snow, thick sheets of it covered the grass and laced the trees. Hitting another button the garage opened and he pulled into it before hitting the button again to close it. Turning the car off he let his head fall against the steering wheel for a moment taking in the darkness and the sound of the wind.

_'Yes. Yes. I will marry you.'_

Brian grabbed his briefcase slipping his keys into his pocket as he got out of the car and slammed the door shut. He paused before moving toward the door that connected the main building and the garage then opening it slipping inside the currently cold house. Turning he reached for the thermostat turning the heat on. The living room loomed to his right and he ignored it heading down the hall until he came to the stairs. There should have been a thin layer of dust because supposedly no one lived here. There wasn't though, the hardwood was clean.

Climbing the stairs Brian shifted his hold on his briefcase before making his way into the master bedroom. Moving to the small table by the bed he set his briefcase down and started to strip off his clothes. The cold air pricked at his skin and he shivered slightly, the central heating would take care of that though.

Brian trailed his hand across the large bed, the duvet catching on his fingers as he made his way to the bathroom. When he had bought the house he had planned them having plenty of joined showers, it had never happened. Flicking the light on to the bathroom he blinked at the brightness before shaking his head and moving to the shower to turn the knob on. The water always needed a few minutes to heat up. It was a testament to how much time he had spent in this house that he could move around it in the dark without stumbling or tripping.

Steam started to rise from behind the glass of the shower and Brian opened the door before stepping into the hot spray. The water ran down his body in rivulets pounding on the tight muscles in his shoulders and upper back. Gathering the soap he squirted some onto the washcloth before scrubbing at his skin. It didn't take long for him to get clean and soon he was stepping from the shower and grabbing a towel to dry his hair.

_'You didn't return them.'_

Tossing the towel into the hamper he made his way back to the bedroom before slipping under the covers of his bed. The sheets were cold around him and he turned into his pillow, a hand reaching up to wrap around the platinum rings that hung by a chain around his neck. They had been there ever since Justin had gone missing, a constant reminder that somewhere out there Justin was waiting for him to find him. He wouldn't stop looking.

_'I love you.'_

He couldn't.  
________________________________________

"Hey Brian, it's Mikey, just wondering if you wanted to head out to Woody's. Call me back."

"To delete this message press 7 to save it press-"

BEEP

"Brian its Debbie you better get your ass here for Sunday dinner."

"To delete this message press 7 to save it press-"

BEEP

"Brian it's Lindsay. Look Mel and I are a little behind on the rent this month. I really don't want to bother you but I don't know who else to ask. Call me back."

"To delete this message press 7 to save it press-"

BEEP

"End of final message. To repeat your messages please press-"

Brian snapped the phone shut setting it on his desk. The mess in his office had been cleaned up, a bowl of fruit taking the space where a vase used to be. He really needed to give Cynthia a raise. That woman was a god-send. He glanced at the papers stacked on his desk, no doubt consumer reports and results of their response groups. He pushed the button to boot up his computer before turning to the first file quickly loosing himself in the litany of the papers.

A knock at his door pulled him from the file he was reading and he yelled for the person to come in before highlighting a section of the paragraph. "They're going to eventually figure out where you go every weekend."

"Ah Theodore." Brian looked up a mocking smile on his face, "is this a business manner or are you just unable to mind your own business."

Ted closed the door the latest budget adjustments in his hand, "budgets... and Michael keeps asking me where you disappear to every weekend." He moved forward setting them on Brian's desk watching as the man set aside what he was working on before tugging the slightly thick folder to him.

"Tell Mikey I'm going to fucking see the Wizard of Oz." Brian opened the file before glancing over the budget.

"Shall I also tell him that your cousin is the Wicked Witch of the West?"

"Sure and while you're at it you can learn the definition of a pink slip." Brain signed the first form.

"I'll be back to get the budget report at three Brian," Ted gave his boss a final glance before leaving the office.

Brian turned the page of the report loosing himself in the numbers.

It was another knock that drew him from his work again, the budget reports were finished and a good number of the files on his desk had been dealt with. The door opened and Brian knew immediately who it was. A sandwich was placed on his desk along with a fresh latte and the reports that were done were taken away. He seriously needed to give Cynthia a raise-or a vacation. Nope definitely a raise, the office would fall apart without her and he wouldn't have anyone to run interference with his family for him or remind him to eat.

Speaking of which…Brian tugged the sandwich and latte closer to the edge of the desk pushing the file away. Ah his favorite, he tore the cellophane wrapper off of the sandwich before taking a bite and chewing. A glance at the clock told him that it was nearing 2 in the afternoon-no wonder Cynthia had decided that it was time to feed him. It wasn't the first time that he had been fed by the woman and he was sure it wasn't going to be the last. Quickly finishing the sandwich Brian tossed the plastic into his trashcan before taking a sip of the latte. Yep, definitely a raise.

He turned toward his computer looking at the blinking line that was making its home in his password bar. He hadn't even logged into his computer earlier that morning. His password was typed and a small circle appeared as his system booted. The start screen sprung up and he clicked on the icon for his email, another password and the email screen popped up. Brian took another sip of his latte before stopping as his eyes landed on a certain message. He set the latte down trying not to get his hopes up as he moved to click on the message. How many times had he opened an email from this man only to be met with disappointment? Why would this time be any different?

He clicked anyways. A news article came up and Brian started to read.

_Yesterday a man was found at the edge of the Roosevelt forest. He was unconscious and he showed signs of traveling through the forest for a few days or weeks. The man was dressed in blue scrubs and was not wearing shoes. There were several cuts and bruises most of which seemed to be from falls. The male is approximately 20 and at this time remains unconscious. He held no identification and was not wearing a medical bracelet._

_Officer Andrew commented, "We found him at the edge of the woods. He was dehydrated, and unconscious, but otherwise appeared to be in good health."_

The man was brought into St. David's hospital in Stratford by ambulance and has been receiving medical attention since then.

Beneath the article was a picture of the man being carried away on a stretcher and underneath the picture there was a message from the private investigator.

_He was allergic to Tylenol._

a/n: I am working on posting this from FFNET to here, there are some formatting things I have to change, it should be current to the FFNet posting by 3/19/2021. Learning Archieves formatting tools, please be patient


	2. Chapter 2

________________________________________

Chapter 2: Chapter 2  
________________________________________  
  


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Two

He was allergic to Tylenol.

The words slammed into Brian and he stared at the screen blankly. A year, it had been a year and now he had a lead; he was going to follow it. Turning Brain grabbed his phone on his desk before hitting the button that would connect him directly to Cynthia. His foot tapped against the floor impatiently as it rang for a moment before being picked up.

"I need a flight to the closest airport to," he stopped looking at the computer, "Stratford, Connecticut. I also need a car and a hotel room in the city. I need it done yesterday."

"What Boss? You have a meeting with Brown Athletics tomorrow."

"Cynthia don't argue just do. Reschedule the damn appointment and get me that flight." Brian slammed the phone down before reaching for his briefcase and setting it on the desk opening it. His laptop was tucked safely into its compartment and he grabbed the files from his desk shoving them into the remaining space.

Justin… if the man in the article was him why the hell was he in the woods? How had he gotten there? What had he been doing? More importantly though was where the man had been for the past year. They'd been searching and suddenly the he turns up at the edge of the woods in scrubs of all things?

Brian snapped the briefcase closed before putting on his coat and gloves. He didn't bother shutting down his computer before he left his office heading to Cynthia's desk. Her eyes snapped up when he stopped in front of her desk.

"When's the flight?" Brian shot out the words his voice laced with tension as his hand tightened around the handle of his briefcase. He needed to leave, he couldn't stand still. Anticipation and hope swirled in his stomach like a bitter medicine. There was the chance that this was a wild goose chase, that the man wasn't Justin. But how many people could there be that were allergic to Tylenol?

"Five," Cynthia noted the tension in her boss's body and she locked her computer before standing. "I'll drive you to the airport; you don't have time to park your car and make it through airport security and pickup your ticket." She gathered her coat and slipped it on before snatching her purse. Her movements were clipped and she picked up the phone pushing a button. "I'm driving the boss to the airport Ted, watch over things." The phone was placed back in its cradle and Brian looked at her expectantly.

Brian didn't speak to Cynthia as they made their way through the building and then to Cynthia's car. It was a stereotypical compact, bright silver in color, the kind of car Brian normally wouldn't be caught dead driving. At that moment he didn't care. The doors were unlocked and Brian slid into the seat before buckling his seatbelt.

Should he tell anyone where he was going? Should he tell them that he got a lead-no he would wait until he knew for sure and even then Justin might need space. There was no telling what he had gone through in the past year. Brian felt his heart stop. What if Justin was traumatized, what if he was changed? He flicked his tongue over his lips. It didn't matter. If Justin was sick he would take care of him, just like he did after the bashing. He didn't care if Justin was ill. He had been so scared that he would never see the blond again. So scared that he would never kiss him or hear his voice. God, that was one of the things he missed most-Justin's laugh. It was stupid but Justin's laugh always seemed to embrace his nickname bringing a ray of sunshine with it.

His foot tapped against the floorboard and Cynthia cast him a glance as she headed toward the airport. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?" She took a turn and tapped her nails against the steering wheel. She'd worked for Brian for years, she'd been with him when he was at the height of his career and when he was at the bottom. She'd left Vanguard to follow him because despite what the man may think, she was the only one who could handle him. She had always been able to take his bullshit and she was loyal to a fault. She'd never seen him this anxious before though. He looked as if he was about to jump out of his skin.

"There's a lead on Justin." Brain shifted his gaze pointedly positioned to the window, he tried to calm down but his foot wouldn't stop tapping and he kept licking his bottom lip in a nervous habit. "Don't tell anyone…tell Theodore that way he doesn't say something stupid." The words were slightly harsh and Brian shot Cynthia a look that made her raise an eyebrow.

"I'll diverge their calls Boss. As far as I'm concerned you're in a business meeting in San Francisco." She turned into the visitor's parking garage quickly finding a space and turning the ignition off. Brian was already out of the car striding toward the elevator. Cynthia scrambled out before locking the doors barely managing to catch the elevator. "The flights in Terminal A, get into the security line and I'll get the ticket."

Nodding Brian headed toward the indicated terminal, the line wove slightly people looking at their watches impatiently. Brian resisted the urge to copy their movements. Outside he was calm and cool but inside he was a bundle of nerves. The line moved forward and he felt the urge for a cigarette to calm his nerves-that or a bottle of Beam. Instead he flexed his hand on the handle of his briefcase.

If Debbie or Jennifer found out that he had a lead and didn't tell them-he would be a dead man. It didn't matter though. He didn't want to get their hopes up and a small bitter part of him enjoyed holding the secret close to his chest. He was the one who had never stopped looking. He was the one who had hired a P.I. to find Justin. He was the one who had lain awake for the past year imagining what Justin could be going through. They had given up. So that small part of him was selfish, wanting Justin all for himself because the others had forgotten about him. Well that wasn't completely true; Honeycut didn't go a week without asking him if he had news. He didn't search though and the one time Brian had asked him why and the man had just smiled and said, 'If anyone can find him Hunny you can. My Aunt Lulu used to say that if too many people go after the honey then the bees will get agitated. I'm telling you someone has him and if it gets obvious that people are looking for him we'll never see him again. So I'll just leave the hunting to you. Besides you're the one he needs.'

"Here's your ticket," Cynthia was in front of him suddenly a plane ticket in her hand, sometime during his thoughts he had moved toward the front of the line. He took the ticket nodding at her, "Good luck Boss," then she was gone leaving him alone. He tucked the ticket into his pocket as he came to the grey plastic bins that he was supposed to place his belongings in. His shoes came off and so did his belt then he stopped for a moment breathing in before slipping the chain from around his neck and placing it in the bin. It was hard for him to take the chain off; it was something that he and Justin had shared, a representation of what they were. Even though they had never worn them Brian felt like it was holding a part of Justin close to him. He'd done the same thing with the scarf that Justin had worn at the prom. The bloody fabric had lain across his neck for ages, a constant reminder of Justin, a piece of him. But where the scarf represented all of his mistakes the rings represented his hope.

Brian stepped through the metal detector and hurriedly grabbed the chain from the bucket slipping it over his head. A tension that had been in his chest eased slightly and he finished getting dressed before grabbing his briefcase and making his way toward the now boarding flight. He glanced down at his ticket praising his luck as he slipped into the boarding line, they were seating his row right now. Brian hated riding in the coach but for once he wasn't going to complain. Cynthia had done her job and had gotten him onto the soonest flight. He was grateful for that at least and the lack of connections was a bonus since he wouldn't have to change flights.

His ticket was taken from him and he made his way into the plane finding his seat and slipping his briefcase under his seat and then Brian fastened the seatbelt. The flight would take an hour, until then he needed to entertain himself. He leaned his head against the window as the other passengers boarded. A punk looking teenager plopped herself into the seat next to him. Brian glanced at her and he couldn't help but smirk. The girl was probably a horror to her parents, bright green painted the ends of her short cropped black hair and her ears were covered in piercings. The girl took out an ipod and slipped the buds in her ears-good it looked like she wouldn't try to talk to him. It was annoying when the person sitting next to you decided that they were your best friend and couldn't take the hint that you really did not want to know about their husband's underwear crisis.

Brian turned his gaze back to the window and slipped his eyes closed. He was so tired. His business hours for Kinnetic held no pattern and he'd been working until eleven or so each night only to wake up at six and start it all over again. The weekends were sacred and reserved for sleeping and looking for possible leads on Justin-not that he didn't take time out of the week to do that. Slowly his breaths evened out and his body relaxed.

_The church was dark and people dressed in black lined the rows. Sobs could be heard and there were flowers on some of the rows. Brian stepped forward and was suddenly at the front of the church. A coffin made of deep mahgony was before him. Golden handles ran down the sides of it and white roses created a mattress for it spilling out over the sides. He stepped forward and looked into the coffin-it was empty. There wasn't a body. He leaned forward and examined the coffin closer, white silk coated the insides a small pillow at the top where two rings were laying. They glittered and Brian reached toward them. It was their rings. The wedding bands that they had never worn._

_Laughter. Brian's head shot up and he froze. "This was the best night of my life." Justin was standing on the platform behind the coffin his face lit up in a bright smile. A white tux adorned his body and he was playing with the scarf around his neck. The boy rocked back on his heels and tilted his head to the side, he looked like the was seventeen again. His blue eyes were sparkling, the look on his face was akin to the one he'd had during their dance._

_"Wha-Justin?" Brian tried to move forward but he couldn't, he was frozen, a shadowy figure moved behind his lover and he tried to call out. His voice was stuck in his throat. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he could only watch and listen. A bat was swung and Justin stumbled forward blood dripping down the side of his face, matting in his hair. Justin stood up straight the smile still on his face as the blood seemed to pour from his body slipping down his neck coating the jacket of his tux and painting the bright white scarf._

_"You're the one he trusts." Brian raised a hand wiping the blood from his cheek. Blood? He looked down at his hands, blood caked them and he tried to wipe them on his pants. The blood... it wouldn't come off! His legs were still frozen to the ground and he panicked trying harder to wipe the blood from his hands. It was on his face, hot and slippery. The bat was raised again and Brian struggled to move stumbling as his legs finally obeyed his body. He was running, darting up the stairs. Justin was turned toward him still smiling. "Justin!" The bat was swung and Brain felt a hand wrap around his arm shaking him as the wooden material met with Justin's -_

Brian's eyes snapped open and he was met by two green ones. The girl next to him had her hand on his arm and she quickly drew it back. That's right…he was on a plane. It was just a dream. A nightmare that seemed to haunt him when he closed his eyes, another reason he was tired. "Sorry, I mean - yeah, you were having a nightmare. I mean I think you were. You were kinda sweating and mumbling in your sleep. My brother used to have nightmares all the time - used to wake me up. He got sent to some sort of school though, cause my parents said he was sick. It's kinda weird you know a school for sick people and I'm going to shut up now because you look like you're going to kill me and I'm rambling." The girl snapped her mouth closed and looked down a slight blush on her face and Brain shook his head glancing out the window at the nearing airport.

"Thanks." The word was said softly and if you weren't listening it would have been missed. The girl smiled though and nodded. She was quiet the rest of the flight.

Brian ran a hand through his hair as people started to get up and head towards the exit of the plane. Reaching beneath his seat Brian slipped his briefcase out before standing, the girl, whoever she was, was gone. Vaguely he hoped her brother was ok, not that he cared really but she seemed like a nice chick. Shouldering his way into the masses he exited the plane. The airport was small and it didn't take him long to leave it and find his way toward the area where the rental cars were.

"Better have a fuckin GPS." Brain tugged his coat a bit closer and cursed the snow that slicked the sidewalk. Did no one clean these things? He shoved the door to the agency open and a wave of heat hit him. It was a small building. A white counter ran from one wall to the other wall, a light blue trailed down their surfaces. Brian supposed it was to make the place look a little more comfortable. Though how a building with cheap chairs and an obvious smell could be comfortable he had no idea. Brian moved toward the counter coming face to face with a short balding man.

"Yes," the voice was nasally and it had a wheeze behind it. Brian instantly hated the man.

"Brian Kinney, I'm supposed to have a car reserved." He put on his best 'don't fuck with me' look.

"One moment," the man flipped through some papers before pulling out a batch. "I just need you to sign here; the rest of the information has already been filled out." The man wheezed again and started to flip through the papers again. Snagging the pen attached to the counter Brian scrawled his name in the designated spot.

"Here," the papers made their way into Mr. Wheeze's hands and he looked over them before grabbing a set of keys from the desk and handing them to Brian.

"It's number 73," the man gave a snivel and Brian turned away before pushing his way out of the building into the snow. Cars were lined up and despite the number of his car being 73 Brian figured there couldn't of been more than 20. "Seventy three…seventy three…come on seventy…you have got to be fucking kidding me." Brain stopped in front of the horror that was number 73, staring at it in something akin to terror. He was going to kill Cynthia-kill her then burn her body and dance on her ashes. This was just cruel. He had already signed the papers though and like it or not the monster before him was his. That was unless he wanted to refill out all the paperwork, which would mean going back into Mr. Wheeze's office and spending an extended amount of time in it. He'd take the monster.

Brian grimaced as he slipped the keys into the 2000 Volkswagen beetle, the outside was a bright cheery yellow and it made Brian feel as if his masculinity was being challenged. Sure he could see someone like Honeycut in a car like - scratch that, he didn't want to think about Honeycut driving. He entered the mouth of the beast and placed his briefcase on the seat next to him before closing the door. Cynthia could forget her raise, in fact he would raise her a pink slip.

He pushed the key in starting the ignition before his phone started to chime in Cynthia's text messaging sound. Brian tugged the phone from his pocket and hit the ok button letting the message come onto the screen. 'Enjoy your ride.' He was going to fire her.

The "monster" as Brian dubbed it handled pretty well despite its nauseating appearance. The GPS on the dashboard alleviated his agitation slightly as he was lead through the darkening streets of the city. Snow lined the sidewalks and people were bustling on the, warm clothes wrapped around their bodies. Brian ignored them. The hospital loomed into view and he pulled into the parking lot before finding a space.

Brian nearly jumped from the car grabbing his briefcase before locking the yellow fiend. He honestly thought that the car was going to eat his soul - or his sex drive, he was more worried about the latter. Who was going to fuck a man driving a yellow beetle? Ok, so he wasn't having sex but that was beside the point. It was a matter of pride. He turned toward the hospital and felt the familiar tug of worry in his stomach. Justin could be in that hospital. His search could be over. Oh God, please let him be in that hospital.

Brian shifted his briefcase before heading towards the front doors when he reached them they opened with a hiss and he stepped into the linoleum floored building. The walls were white and Brian glanced around spotting the front desk. An attractive woman was typing on the computer her hair twirled up into a bun. "Excuse me," the woman's eyes glanced and she stopped typing. Brian was leaning against the counter a smile on his lips. "I was wondering if you could help me?"

A flush spread across the typist's face and she nodded. "What can I do for you Mr…?

"Kinney."

"Alright Mr. Kinney, what can I do for you," the woman leaned forward slightly, a flirting smile on her lips.

"A patient was brought in here yesterday. He didn't have any sort of identification and was found near the woods, I think he might be a friend of mine." Brian watched as the woman tried to push her cleavage up enticingly.

"Let me check what room he's in. I'm sure the doctor won't mind if you check to see if it's your friend."

Yeah, this woman definitely didn't follow hospital procedures. Brian was eternally grateful. He gave her another smile and the clacking of her computer keys filled their silence.

"Room 508," she smiled before reaching into her purse and pulling out a business card, "feel free to use this at any time." Brian took the card nodding and gave her another smile before turning away. His gaze shifted and he walked to the elevator slipping the card into the trash when he knew the woman couldn't see him. Hitting the button for the elevator he tried to quell the feeling that was rising in him, he would not rush, he would not rush. Where the hell was the elevator? The doors opened with a ping and Brian was inside of the metal box instantly, his finger darted out, slipping across the number five then hitting the close button. He ignored the person calling for the elevator to stop, he was rushing.

A tug at his stomach signaled the elevators movement and a moment later the doors pinged open again releasing him onto the fifth floor. He was not going to run. "508," Brian moved down the hall looking for the number stopping dead when he found it. The curtains were drawn on the small window but the door was open. Shit, he couldn't do this. What if it wasn't Justin? He would have come all this way for nothing. What if Justin hadn't wanted to be found? What if – No, he needed to stop thinking about this. Whatever happened he would deal with it. He took a step forward and stopped again before shaking his head and forcing his legs to move.

The edge of the bed came into view and Brian took a deep breath before entering the room. There was a doctor standing on the side of the bed opposite him. The man on the bed was shaking his head at what the doctor said and then he turned slightly, his face coming into focus. Brian felt as if he had been punched in the gut. All of the air left his body and his blood drummed in his ears. Oh God.

"Justin." The blond seemed to try to move towards him and his mouth opened and formed Brian's name only to have nothing come out.

His Sunshine had no voice.

_Coming up in Breaking the Silence_

_"He broke two noses, cracked someone's ribs and bit into a man's hand so hard that it tore into the muscles."_

_Brian froze. Justin did what? "What?"_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 3

If you had told Brian 7 years ago that he would miss the sound of Justin's voice, he would have admitted you to the psych ward. Hell he'd threatened, more than once, to get Justin a ball gag. The blond had merely looked at him and said 'Kinky.' They had used the ball gag once or twice, but that wasn't the point.

Brian took in the scene before him his breath stopping in his throat as Justin mouthed his name. There were tear tracks down the blond's cheeks and a deep bruise covered one of them. His hair was cropped short on his head in a buzzed style and Justin's cheekbones arched just a little too sharply from his face.

There was a deep look of terror on his lover's face. It was then he realized Justin was struggling, his mouth opening and closing in silent screams of his name. Thick cuffs were wrapped around the blond's wrists each one held firmly to the bed that was tilted so that Justin was sitting up. Brian knew that his ankles were in the same condition. Tears started spilling down Justin's face and he was mouthing Brian's name again. The white sheet was rustling and Justin was pulling at the cuffs rocking his body from side to side.

"What the fuck are you doing to him!" Red filled Brian's vision ignoring the doctor's words. The world around Brian was blurred. What the hell were they doing to Justin? Why the hell was he restrained?

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

He moved to the bed, his feet nearly flying across the floor, Brian realized that he had dropped his briefcase at some point.

"Sir-"

"Fuck off," Justin was still struggling and Brian could tell that he was about to have a panic attack. His breathing was labored and his eyes were darting wildly from side to side. Sweat laced his brow and he was still mouthing Brian's name with desperation.

The world around Brian was muted, a dull hazy white noise. It had been ages since he'd seen Justin have a panic attack. They used to happen all the time back when Justin was still dealing with the issues that came from his bashing. Over time though they had nearly stopped. Some things would trigger them; a baseball bat hitting something for instance, the sound would always trigger one. Brian felt like he was frozen. He knew that Justin wouldn't calm down unless they did the breathing exercises together. If he didn't stop the attack soon then Justin was going to have a serious issue.

Hands were wrapped around his biceps and he was thrown back into reality. "Sir, we need you to come with us." Brian jerked his arms, blood rising to his face.

"He's having a fucking panic attack!" Brian struggled against the hold as he was dragged back. He couldn't leave Justin like this!

"Sir, we need you to calm down and come with us. The doctor needs to do his job."

"Fuck you!" Brian kicked out and the hands around his arms tightened. The doctor was pulling a needle from his pocket and was moving toward the I.V. pole. Brian instantly knew what the man was doing; he'd seen people try to do it enough times. "He doesn't need to be knocked out! He needs to be calmed down!" Justin was struggling harder his mouth open in silent sobs as he bucked on the bed, his hips arching and his muscles straining.

"Justin!" The plunger was pushed down and Brian was pulled through the doorway his legs kicking out again as he lunged forward only to be jerked back. "Fuck! You fucking assholes!" Brian lunged forward again.

"Sir, you have to calm down or we'll have to call the police." The police…he really did not want to deal with getting a bail…he would be farther away from Justin. He wouldn't be any good to the man in jail. The words of the guards had somehow managed to penetrate the haze that was covering his brain. Anything could happen to Justin while he was gone. He couldn't protect him from behind bars. Justin needed him.

"Fine, I'm fucking calm, now get your hands off me," Brian stood still in their grip and the hands loosened the men staying close. Brian stalked over to a chair and sat down. The guards were watching him closely and he wanted to laugh in their faces. Fuck, he wanted a smoke. He wasn't going to leave to go have one though. Tapping his foot against the ground his mind flashed back to a time when he had waited to hear if Justin was going to live or die. He really wanted a cigarette. Brian rested his elbows on his knees and pushed his face into his hands. What the hell had happened to Justin-that look in his eyes wasn't just from the restraints. No, Justin had been truly terrified, Brain had never seen that look before. It was worse than the look he had gotten when he had met Hobbs after the prom.

"Do you know the patient?" Brian's head shot up and he stood quickly, the doctor took a few steps back and Brian felt his previous anger rise again, it had managed to get covered in a layer of worry.

"Of course I know him, why the fuck else would I scream his name while you had him strapped to the bed like a fucking prisoner?" Brain barely managed to keep his voice even. He couldn't stop the hostile tone however and he had to resist the urge to slam the doctor's head into the nearest surface.

"I should have you removed from the hospital and put under arrest. That man has been having dangerous panic attacks ever since he first woke up."

"I'd have a fucking panic attack too if I was tied to the bed!" Brian clenched his fist. He would not punch the doctor. He would not punch the doctor. He would not punch the doctor. He just needed to keep his cool - he would kill the bastard later.

"He broke two noses, cracked someone's ribs and bit into a man's hand so hard that it tore into the muscles."

Brian froze. Justin did what? "What?"

"He's dangerous during the attacks and every time he wakes up he has one. We had to restrain him in order to protect the hospital staff."

"He's not dangerous, he's terrified." The doctor looked at him for a moment and Brian looked back, the man seemed to come to a decision.

"We'll have you in the room for the next time he wakes up. He's supposed to be transferred to the psychiatric ward tomorrow. If you can get him to calm down and remain calm then I'll retract the order."

The psych ward? Justin wasn't crazy, he was scared. What the hell was the psych ward supposed to do for him? Drug him up like they did here? How nice. He really wanted to slam the doctor's head into the floor - or the wall - or a window. He had options, all of which were readily available. "Fine. When's he due to wake up?"

"Six hours. Until then you can come to my office and fill out his paperwork. Follow me."

Brian felt his teeth clench as he walked behind the doctor. He wondered whether anyone would believe him if he said that the man accidentally fell out of a window. Probably not, they had security cameras in hospitals, maybe he could plead temporary insanity - never mind he did not want to think about insanity right now. Especially if it involved a certain blond.

They stepped onto the elevator and the doctor hit the button for the third floor. "How do you know the patient?"

Brian was tempted to ignore the question but it probably would hurt the situation more than help it. He hated being rational. "He's my lover."

The elevator was silent until the doors pinged open letting them step into the white hall. With his luck the doctor was a homophobe and would send Justin to the psych ward just to spite them. Brian would sue their asses off if he did.

The brunette didn't have any doubt in his mind that he was going to be able to calm the blond down, as long as he was given the time to do it. A door was opened and both of the men stepped through it. The doctor motioned for Brian to sit down before he began to shuffle some papers around on his desk looking for the right forms.

It was a small office, medical books lining the bookshelves that seemed to overtake the room. An example of a spine was perched on one of them, a brain on another. There was a window behind the doctor, briefly Brian toyed with the idea of shoving him out of it. He'd already promised himself that he wouldn't do that though - and there were still cameras. There was a light blue glow from the man's computer radiating onto the doctor's face and desk.

"Here they are," a clipboard was handed to him and Brian glanced over the papers.

"Do you have a pen?" One was handed to him and he turned his gaze onto the papers before stopping. "My briefcase is in Justin's room, can you send someone to get it? There are some confidential files in it and my laptop."

"Ok," the doctor picked up the phone and Brain undid his coat and jacket getting his wallet from his inner pocket. The first questions were easy but he knew that he was going to need to information his wallet contained later. Justin's name, age and sex were quickly filled out. He paused as he came to Justin's address before writing the address for the loft. Justin wouldn't be going back to New York for a while, besides they had been toying with the idea of Justin moving back before he went missing. New York had been loud, cramped and apparently was stifling to Justin's creativity. Justin had been trying to get into a gallery for months but there were so many people vying for them that it was nearly impossible. The blond had talked to an agent and she had mentioned that it was easier to get established in a smaller community first, then let the artwork spread. So writing the address to the loft wasn't completely unorthodox. Besides, Justin didn't have an address in New York anymore.

He filled out his own number for the phone number and then put himself as the emergency contact. He was Justin's medical proxy, something that he had wanted to fight at first but had eventually caved to. He didn't want to have the power of life or death over his lover but a part of him wouldn't want anyone else to have it. Brian had always felt responsible for Justin, even when they weren't together. Justin was secretly his proxy as well and was in his will to inherit almost everything he owned until Gus turned 18 and was given his share.

Brian slipped the insurance card from his wallet and filled out the information, writing in the appropriate spaces. Justin was on his insurance.

The previous injuries and illness chart made him raise a brow. Headaches, panic attacks, seizures, head injury, brain trauma, insomnia. Brain checked in the correct boxes scanning down the rest of the list before making a few marks. Now here came the fun part: allergies. There were three lines to list them and he tugged a card from his pocket before sticking it under the metal clip. He was not going to try and fit the list on those lines.

He glanced toward the clock, thirty minutes had passed already. Brian flipped the paper over and was met with the symptoms list, resisting the urge to write something sarcastic he skipped it. The only thing left was to sign it and he did so quickly in his usual scrawl.

"There... done," he looked up and the doctor turned from his computer before taking the clipboard from him.

The man's eyebrows raised at the card, "are all of these allergies?"

"Yes, he's a medical anomaly." Brian looked at the doctor taking his appearance in. The man wasn't ugly, he had short brown hair, a good body and slight stubble on his chin. It was someone that Brian would have gone after.

"I'll add this to his chart, he should wake up at one if you want to leave." Brian gave him a look and the doctor shrugged. "The cafeterias on the first floor, they have coffee." Brain stood and grabbed the briefcase that had made its way beside his chair. "If you need anything my name is Doctor Sanders." He left the office.

The hallways were empty as he made his way to the elevator, the sound of his footsteps radiated through the hall and he quickly hit the button for the elevator. The doors opened a second later. Brian stepped inside and his finger hovered for a moment before his hunger hit him and he pushed the button for the first floor. He hadn't eaten since 2 and he could feel his stomach churning happily at the thought of food.

He had no idea where the cafeteria was. Brian glanced around the hall as he stepped from the metal box and grinned as he saw a nurse, perfect. A few quick directions later and he was walking into the cafeteria.

There were nurses and doctors milling around, cups of coffee in their hands. A few people, who Brian assumed to be family members of some patients were picking at their food or staring into their cups. His eyes darted to the right and he saw the entrance to the line. There wasn't anyone standing in it so Brain was able to meander through it, grabbing a tray as he walked past them. There was no way that he was going to be able to stick with his no carbs after seven rule in this place. Deciding on a tuna sandwich he grabbed the item placing it on the tray, a bowl of fruit joining it a moment later along with a bottle of water and the biggest cup of coffee he could find. He paid and made his way to the closest table before starting on his food. He didn't taste the fruit or the sandwich. He could have been chewing on cardboard and he wouldn't have noticed. Brian was a million miles away.

If Justin got admitted to a psych ward it was going to be a lot harder to get him home. There would be a lot more red tape and for some reason Brian was sure that it was going to do more damage than good. Fuck, he would take care of Justin even if it meant fighting the system every step of the way. He hoped that it didn't come to that though. He glanced at the clock, an hour had passed, he'd been sitting there staring at his coffee. Worry was churning in his gut as Brian got up and disposed of his trash before making his way back to the room. What if he wasn't able to get Justin to calm down? Scenarios ran through his head, none of them good. He didn't remember the trip back to Justin's room, he only knew that he was sitting in the chair staring at a point in the wall, his mind drifting.

He needed to do something productive. Brian snapped open his briefcase grabbing a pen and a pad of paper then closed it and set it back at his feet. Okay, a list of things that he needed to do.

Lets see…

1) Make sure Justin dosen't go to the Psych Ward.

2) Get us tickets to Pittsburgh

3) Make Justin an appointment with our doctor

4) Get some clothes

5) Get Justin some clothes

6) Call Cynthia and tell her what's going on

7) Kill Theodore if anyone finds out where I am

8) Kill Theodore anyways

9) Ignore Mikey's calls

10) Ignore Lindsay's calls

11) Ignore everyone's calls unless they're Cynthia

12) Plot the death of whoever took Justin

13) Just kill whoever took Justin, scratch the plotting

14) Get Justin a car when we get back to Pittsburgh so that he'll be able to drive around

15) Put a damn chip in Justin's arm that's GPS enabled

16) Get Justin a taser

17) Get him pepper spray as well

18) Think about getting a guard dog for Britin

19) Wonder what the hell I was thinking with number 18

20) Ignore Mikey completely

21) Fuck Justin as soon as he's ready (I'm horny)

22) Get Justin an entirely new wardrobe, he's lost weight

23) Find the copy of Yellow Submarine

24) Hide the chocolate that I've secretly been eating - Justin will never let me live it down

25) Look at puppies and see what Justin would like

26) Figure out why I'm thinking about getting Justin a dog

27) Scratch number 26 - dogs bite strangers

28) Remind Theodore if he tells anyone about Britin, I'll kill him

29) Tell Justin I love him

30) Tell Justin we're getting married

31) Never use the word married again

32) Ask Justin to get a civil union with me

33) Make sure no one ever finds this list

Brain leaned his head back in the chair. Justin was lying there unconscious and Brian took the time to look at the blond closer. There was a cut on the boy's lip splitting it and a thin scrape ran down the side of his face following the line of the bruise. There was some blood in his hair and Brian couldn't see any wound that would have caused it. Deep shadows painted the area beneath his eyes, they were dark and almost bluish in their coloring, small lines laced through them and Brian knew that they were caused by lack of sleep. How many times had he seen those shadows under his own eyes?

A wheezing was coming from Justin as he breathed and it sounded familiar…he knew that sound because he made it every day. Mind you his wasn't nearly as bad. A deviated septum - Justin hadn't had one before he left. Brian felt his eyes narrow; it was usually caused by trauma to the nasal passage; which meant that someone had most likely slammed their fist into Justin's face. He'd like to know the person so that he could return the favor in ten-fold.

He moved his gaze down, no marks marred Justin's throat. Here came the mystery, why the hell couldn't Justin talk? It could be something simple like he had lost his voice, a sinking feeling in Brian's gut wanted to tell him that it wasn't likely though.

His gaze shifted down again and it landed on the blonds hands. Scratches covered them, some were deeper than others and part of Brian wondered why they hadn't covered his hands in gauze. At least they looked to be clean. His gaze shifted slightly and he winced. Justin's nails were chipped and torn, one was split down the middle, the edges separated to reveal pink skin, and another was missing altogether. The skin was red and inflamed so the injury had to have happened recently.

Brian stood before flipping the sheet off of his lover's legs. There was a bandage covering the entirety of the outer side of his left calf, the right leg was covered in scrapes. Dark bruises littered both of the limbs. Thick white gauze covered Justin's feet starting at his ankles and covering his toes. If the gauze was any indication Justin wouldn't be able to walk for a while.

The sheet was flipped back to cover Justin and Brian moved towards the head of the bed. His hand reached out and he cupped the male's cheek. A thumb brushed over a bruise that was angled on a sharp cheekbone. Justin's cheeks were slightly hallowed, something that Brian hadn't noticed from the chair. He didn't look starved but he didn't have that healthy layer of fat that filled his cheeks out. Brian wondered briefly if Justin had lost his muscle definition.

The blond had never had a lot but there was enough that it was pleasing to the eye, just a faint outline. If the state of the rest of his body was any indication then the answer would most likely be no.

It really did feel like the prom all over again. Here he was standing over Justin while he slept, watching him, praying that he was going to be ok. Hell, Brain never prayed, but whenever Justin was involved he seemed to suddenly want to bow down before a higher being and cry for his prayers to be answered. His mother would have a fit if she knew that the only time he prayed was when his male lover was involved, especially since it seemed every time his prayers were answered. Take that you bigoted bitch. The big man upstairs, if there was one, was on his side. Stick that in your bible and thump it.

He ran his thumb along the bridge of Justin's nose and felt a slight bump, yep, someone had defiantly broken the boy's nose. Brian had acquired enough of them in his life to tell. Most of them were courtesy of his dear old dead dad. Jack had always been ever so tender when he hit him. Yeah, he knew all about broken noses.

He moved his thumb across Justin's lip next, gently rubbing across the crusted blood that decorated the split. The doctor had said that none of these injuries had occurred from abuse - Brian believed him. These didn't look like they were made by fists or feet - once again he'd had plenty of experience with those. Something else had happened besides a casual stroll in the woods though.

There was no way you got your nails torn off and your face turned a different color from that. No, something else had happened, Brian was sure of it. Hell there was a chance that Justin had never even been in the woods; the newspaper had said that he was found at the edge of them, someone could have easily dumped him there. He had been unconscious when they found him after all. There was that and the fact that Justin was now sporting a lovely wheeze and a lack of voice.

Something had happened to his lover, something that had terrified him, something that had managed to induce his panic attacks... more like someone. If Brian ever found out who, the motherfucker had better run because a deviated septum and a lack of voice would be the least of their worries, because they better decide what color coffin they wanted.

Brian rubbed his thumb over the blond's lip again before pulling it back. He looked at the door as a nurse walked by. Her heels clacked on the floor. There really should be a law against that. The only one time he was never bothered by it was when Cynthia did it. But Cynthia got away with a lot of things that no one else would. The monster he was currently driving being one of those things. Brian turned his gaze back to Justin's face and bright blue eyes locked with his.

Justin was awake.

_Coming up on Breaking the Silence_   
_"You can't take him!" Brian lunged forward trying to grab at his lover._


	4. Chapter 4

claimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is words.

Chapter 4

Justin was awake.

Brian stood there in shock for a moment, Justin looked at him then looked at the room and started to struggle again. He was mouthing words so quickly that Brian couldn't read them and he cupped Justin's cheeks in both of his hands. "Justin." The blond was still struggling, his eyes darting from side to side, sweat was forming on his forehead. Vaguely Brian heard someone enter the room. "Justin!" He turned Justin's face toward him holding it. "Listen to me!" Justin seemed to focus on him and his struggles began to cease. "Listen to me, are you listening?" The blond gave a jerky nod and the tension that Brian had felt building in his stomach start to uncoil.

"You need to calm down and breathe. If you freak out they're going to send you to a psych ward so I need you to keep calm. Can you do that for me Sunshine?" Justin met his eyes and he gave a shaky nod. Brian smiled and stroked his thumb over his lover's cheekbone. He could feel Justin lean into the embrace, his body still quivering slightly as he tried to keep calm. Footsteps came closer and Brian looked towards the door spotting the doctor. He turned his gaze back to Justin.

He really wasn't sure how the blond was going to react to the man. He could tell that Justin was still panicking slightly, it was there hovering just beneath the surface. Brian knew because he'd seen it countless times before, it would be so easy to set Justin off again. He had to keep him calm though otherwise there was a chance that he was going to lose him. He couldn't let that happen-not again-never again.

"Justin there's a man here, a doctor. He needs to talk to you. I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm going to stay right here, ok?" Justin looked like he was about to cry there was still terror behind his eyes and Brian wanted to kill something or someone. He turned toward the doctor-he couldn't remember his name, "the restraints aren't helping the situation."

"I can take them off after I see that he's in his right state of mind." The man moved closer and Justin shied away from him trying to get closer to Brian. Brian was still holding Justin's face and he moved one away resting it on Justin's shoulder so that they could stay in as much contact as possible.

"Your name's Justin Taylor?"

Justin opened his mouth to speak before stopping halfway as if remembering that he had no voice before nodding his head.

"Do you know where you are?"

A shake. Brian felt his nerves grate slightly and he resisted the urge to say something sarcastic and cutting. Justin wasn't the only one who needed to keep a level head. If Brian lost it then Justin would too. He had to keep calm in order to keep Justin calm. All the times that he had soothed Justin flickered into his mind like a movie. Justin had always held onto him like a lifeline, refusing to let him go. The blond would bury his face in his neck and just breathe as if trying to soak Brian into himself. At those times Brian would just hold him close and run his fingers across Justin's neck stroking the skin. He wished that he could do it now.

"You're at St. David's Hospital, you were brought in yesterday. Do you remember what happened?"

Brian felt Justin tense and watched as he shook his head again. It was a lie, Justin knew exactly what had happened. Brian had always been able to tell when Justin was lying, and right now the blond was lying through his teeth, even if he couldn't talk. Brian didn't bring it up though; there would be plenty of time to get the truth later. He could tell that Justin didn't want to mention whatever had happened and Brian wasn't about to point out the fact that Justin was lying in front of the doctor. He'd like to get the blond out of here thank you, not keep him in here longer.

"Alright do you know the date?"

Justin shook his head.

"Ok, its December 4th, 2007. You might have hit your head, you have a history of trauma so it's not that uncommon that another blow would bring a bought of amnesia on. It should be fine though. We'll have to check you for a concussion." The doctor was flipping through what Brian assumed to be Justin's chart. "You had a deep laceration on your left calf that required stitches and your feet were covered in cuts. How's your pain level on a scale from one to ten, blink the number of times that it is."

Justin blinked 3 times and the doctor made a note on the chart. The blond was still tense under Brian's hand and Brian couldn't wait until the man left. Brian waited for big question what had happened to Justin's voice. The doctor didn't mention it though and continued to talk to the. Brian went to bring it up before stopping himself; if he mentioned it then Justin might have to stay here. He could get it checked in the Pitts just as easily as he would here. Then the question happened.

"Is the inability to speak something new?"

There was a moment of hesitation, so fast that no one would ever notice it. "No," the lie slipped from his tongue easily. "He lost it a few years back," another lie and Brian could feel Justin's confusion at his words. He needed Justin to trust him on this, it didn't seem that the blond was going to object though and even nodded.

"Alright then, the injuries were mostly superficial and the damage to your nails will have to heal on its own. As long as you seem fine though I'll have the day doctor release you. I'm sure you're eager to get home." The doctor undid the restraints and Justin grabbed his wrist in his hand rubbing at it to get the blood flow back in order.

"He'll need to use a wheelchair until his feet heal; we'll send him home with one." The doctor made a final note on the chart and then left, leaving them alone together.

Brian realized that he was still holding Justin's cheek and he dropped his hand. Justin looked slightly nervous but he was calm enough that Brian wasn't worried that he was going to freak out. Brian felt his hand being grabbed and Justin laced their fingers together. The message was clear, stay. "I'm not leaving." Reaching behind himself Brain grabbed the chair and sat in it. The room was silent and Justin was staring at him.

A year without seeing each other. A year. Brian could understand why Justin would want to look at him, hell he had spent a good 30 minutes just staring at Justin trying to convince himself that the man wasn't going to disappear again. Justin's stare was something deeper, he was looking at him with something akin to amazement.

It was like Justin…it was like Justin had never expected to see him again. A cold feeling settled in Brian's gut. If Justin had never expected to see him again then what did that mean? Did he think that he wouldn't look for him? Did he think that he would give up? Or was it that Justin didn't think that anyone would ever find him? The last idea was the one that caused fear to turn his stomach. If Justin had really thought that no one would find him then where had he been that he had lost that hope? What if Justin hadn't wanted to be found? He had to know, now that the idea had appeared in his head it wasn't going to leave. What if all this time Justin had left by choice…that couldn't be the case though because Justin wouldn't just leave without telling him. Not after all they had been through. Justin wasn't 17 anymore.

"Justin, did you leave by choice?" Justin looked shocked by his statement and a desperate looking no left his lips his head shaking viciously. Brian felt his hand being gripped tighter and he felt a bit of the tension leave his body.

"I didn't think you did but I had to be sure." Justin pursed his lips and rolled his eyes and Brian smirked.

"I am not an idiot Sunshine, you did run away to New York once."

Justin shot him a look with an eyebrow raised before smiling teasingly. Brian let the silent comment stand. How the hell was he going to argue with someone that couldn't talk anyways, it was ludicrous, even though he felt like he could read what Justin was trying to say. It was probably his mind associating Justin's usual responses with what he knew about his facial expressions. But a small part of him-the part that he would never admit to having under pain of watching his Armani suits being dragged through the mud- liked the idea that they were somehow connected on a deeper level. The idea was silly and romantic and completely unfounded. Just because they loved each other did not mean that they somehow had a magical understanding of what the other person felt and thought. The idea was pleasing though and no one will get Brian to admit that he had ever thought that.

Justin's head was tilted to the side, an expression of curiosity on his face. "I was just thinking." A yawn broke out onto his face and Brian quickly covered his mouth causing Justin's head to shoot back his mouth open as his chest moving up and down rapidly. Brian realized the blond was laughing. Justin was beautiful and it was tearing Brian apart. There should have been a sound, there should have been that awkward little gasp of breath that Justin had to take when he was in the middle of a laughing fit. A small space where you thought that he was going to pass out. There wasn't though, there was just silence and the look of amusement.

What if he never got to hear Justin's laugh again? What if he never got to hear him beg as he moved inside of him? What if he never got to hear Justin prattle on about brushes and paints and canvas types? What if…what if he never got to hear Justin say that he loved him? All those times…Justin had always said it. Brian had taken the words for granted, had always thought that he would hear them again. He'd always said that the words were bullshit, that they didn't matter as long as they knew how they felt. He'd said that they didn't need to say it. He wanted to hear them though. As fucked up as it was, he was the one who needed to hear it. He needed and wanted the words as much as Justin did, sometimes more than Justin. He craved them.

Brian mentally shook the train of thought off before grinning at Justin, "if you make an age joke I swear you're going to regret it."

Justin's face froze a fear creeping into his eyes, all of his earlier amusement evaporating.

"Shit! I didn't mean that Justin!" Brian got up keeping his hold on Justin's hand. "I'd never hurt you ok? Think about it Justin have I ever seriously hit you?" Justin met his eyes and he slowly shook his head. Brian watched as the blond's adams apple bobbed as he swallowed. "I'd never raise my hand to you Justin. I'd never hit you in anger." There was a hint of desperation to Brian's voice and it seemed to sink into the blond because Justin nodded firmly before giving Brian a light smile. A hand reached up and wrapped around the back of his neck and Brian felt himself being tugged toward Justin. He didn't resist.

Their lips caressed lightly, the faintest of touches. It felt as if a butterfly's wings were fluttering across Brian's lips. He leaned forward a bit and their lips met firmly. He felt Justin's hand tighten on the back of his neck in a firm hold. They sat there for a moment and Brian went to pull back only to meet resistance, the message was clear, no. A warm tongue pushed at his lips and Brain put his hand on the bedrail to brace himself as he parted his mouth. A moment later Justin's taste was filling him, his eyes were closed and he tilted his head to the right wrapping his tongue around Justin's. A familiar dance started between their mouths, slick tongues swirled and flicked chasing each other.

Brian felt a heat rise in his body and he pushed forward a bit. His hand moved from the railing to press into the back of Justin's skull. The blond had lifted his head from the pillows as they kissed. Brian ran his tongue along the roof of Justin's mouth and the hand laced with his tightened a bit. He pushed their lips together a bit harder and a metallic taste hit his tongue. Brian stopped and pulled back raising a hand to his lip wiping away what he knew to be blood. Justin's cut had opened again and it was dripping slightly.

"Fuck," Brain pulled a tissue from the box by Justin's bed and tugged his hand away from Justin's. The fingers gave way easily and Brian cupped Justin's chin turning his face up so that he could see the split better. The tissue was pushed onto the cut and he dabbed at it clearing away the fresh blood. He stopped after a minute pulling the tissue away before watching the cut. Deciding that it wasn't going to bleed anymore he tossed the tissue away. Justin grabbed his hand again and then kissed it softly. "I'm not blaming myself for that one. You're the one who couldn't live without frenching." Justin's eyes lit up in what Brian assumed to be mirth and Brian sat back down. Justin was going to kill him one of these days.

Slowly Brian felt his world start to fade Justin's profile the last thing he saw.

" _You can't take him!" Brian lunged forward trying to grab at his lover. Justin's hands were wrapped in leather cuffs and the blond was kicking trying to get to him. A nurse was tugging him to the door. Justin's mouth was forming his name._

" _No!" He tried to move again only to feel the hands tighten around his arms. Justin looked terrified and Brian watched as the blond's head met with the nurse's nose. "He broke two noses."_

" _You're going to regret that!" Justin's head was tugged back by his long hair and suddenly blood was pouring down his lovers face from his nose. The nurse didn't seem to have any injury though and began to pull Justin by his hair from the room._

" _Get the fuck off of him!" Brian wrapped his fingers tighter in the blond strands and jerked. Wait! Why was he holding Justin by his hair? Brian looked down and saw blood and tears mingling on his lover's face. Justin was looking at him with a feeling of fear and betrayal. Brian tried to let Justin go only to realize he couldn't. Why couldn't he control his body? His hand reached back and he slammed it into Justin's cheek, he heard a bone crack. "I'll never hurt you." His fist slammed into Justin again._

" _You're the one he trusts."_

_Justin was looking at him pleadingly before smiling and mouthing the words, I love you. Brian punched him again._

His eyes snapped open and Brian felt his heart race in his chest. Justin! He looked up and froze before relaxing. It was fine. Justin was fine. It was just a dream. He stood and examined Justin anyways. Their hands were still intertwined and Brian took a bit of comfort from it as he ran his eyes over the blond. There were no new marks on him, no blood, Brian resisted the urge to touch him. There was nothing wrong.

"Shit," He fell back into the chair and rubbed a hand over his eyes. He had thought for a moment - he had feared…Brian shook his head. It had only been a dream, a stupid dream. It didn't mean anything. He was fine. Justin was fine. He wasn't the one that broke Justin's nose and he had never punched him in the face. It was just some sick twisted product of his mind.

He wasn't Jack.

Brian let his eyes slip closed for a moment before he opened them again. He needed to get a grip, he wasn't going to be any good to Justin like this. The look of terror Justin had held at his earlier words flashed through his mind. It had been a joke - a stupid joke. He should have known better. He should have watched his mouth. He should have done so many things - not all of them relating to his earlier words to Justin.

He should have never pushed Justin to go to New York. He should have visited Justin more often. He should have walked Justin to the terminal. He should have been able to stop any of this from happening! Brian's grip tightened on Justin's hand for a moment. He'd let him down. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't let anything happen to Justin, that he would protect him. Justin had still gone missing though. The blond had still went through a year that had terrified him and brought him back broken. Not again though. Brian looked at the bruise marring Justin's face. He didn't care who he had to kill. What he had to destroy. Whatever he had to do - it would be done. Justin was never going to be put in that situation again - not as long as he could prevent it.

His cellphone vibrated in his jacket pocket and he slipped it from his pocket. Cynthia's name came up on the display and Brian gently pried his hand away from Justin's moving towards the window so that he could talk without waking up Justin. The green talk button was pushed and the phone was pressed against his ear a moment later. "I'm going to fire you."

"Sure thing Boss, I'll fill out my own papers since you have no idea where the forms are."

Brian smirked lightly and leaned his shoulder against the cool glass, the sun had risen and the outside world still held that look that was uniquely morning.

"That car is a monster."

"I thought it suited you, Boss." Cynthia was going to die.

"Fill out the papers."

"Ok, I'll just leave all of the messages, notices, bills, faxes and mail on your desk. I'll also be sure to leave a message on the answering machine saying that you're out of town so that your friends don't worry."

Bitch.

"What do you need?"

"Besides a raise and a vacation? To know if you found Justin."

"Yes."

There was a sigh from Cynthia and Brian knew that it was in relief. Somehow his secretary and his lover had managed to become friends. Sometimes he would come out his office and they would be whispering. It had always made him nervous.

"What do you need me to do Boss?" Brian looked toward the bed checking to see if Justin was awake. He was still sleeping so Brian turned his attention back towards the conversation that he was having.

"Make sure the hotel room still stands and keep everyone off my back."

"Ok, sure thing…hold on a moment." There was some noise and elevator music started to play though the speaker of his phone. Brian rolled his shoulder and his upper back gave a crack. He really shouldn't sleep in a chair, he was thirty after all. He was never going to be a year older than that. Despite the hateful lies people spread about his age.

"Boss that was Ted, he said he needs to talk to you, I'm going to connect you hold on."

More elevator music played through the phone before it was picked up again.

"Theodore, to what do I owe this displeasure."

"Brian Jennifer said she knows where Justin is."

Brian's heart stopped and he froze. Jennifer knew? How the hell did she know? He had been careful not to let where he was going slip. Jennifer was going to kill him if she found out that he knew where Justin was and he hadn't called. He would have told her eventually - after he knew that was what Justin wanted. His plans were going down the shithole though. If Jennifer knew then Debbie would know and by result everyone would know. Justin wouldn't get a moment of peace. It would be like after the bashing where everyone wanted to coddle him and make sure that he was ok. Hell, how many times had he told Debbie that no they really did not need to be brought dinner.

He had planned it out. They were going to go to Britin and Justin was going to be able to heal and see people when he chose to, not when everyone decided that they needed to see him. They couldn't stay at the loft because someone would have noticed that Justin was there - everyone was always opening the door with their spare keys. If he tried to avoid that he would have to change the locks, which would just make everyone suspicious. It didn't matter though because his plan was ruined.

Brian turned and saw the woman in the doorway; her blond hair was bouncing on her shoulders.

He was going to kill Theodore.

_ Coming up on Breaking the Silence _

_Wet droplets hit Brian's shirt as he tucked Justin's head under his own, his arms were around the blond and his fingers ran in soothing motions…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Chapter 5**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 5

Brian turned and saw the woman in the doorway; her blond hair was bouncing on her shoulders.

He was going to kill Theodore.

He had felt like his heart had stopped for a moment. The nurse in the door smiled making her way into the room "I'm just here to get his vitals." Brian nodded and turned his attention back to the phone.

"What do you mean she knows where he is. I swear if you told anyone."

"Woah! Hold on Brian. It's fine she doesn't know where he is."

"…what?" Brian raised an eyebrow, what the hell was going on?

"She thinks he's in California. Apparently she found some sort of a lead, one of her friends who lives over there is supposed to check it out for her."

"Theodore. Two words. Pink Slip. Don't call me."

Brian snapped the phone shut and tucked it into his pocket. He had nearly had a heart attack. Resisting the urge to strangle something, preferably Theodore's neck, Brian walked over to the bed and took Justin's hand as blue eyes blinked open.

"Rise and shine, Sunshine."

Justin smiled at him, a half asleep look on his face as the nurse started to take his blood pressure and oxygen levels, a thermometer was stuck under the blond's tongue and Brian had to resist the urge to laugh as Justin pouted. He looked like a little kid with the expression. Biting the inside of his cheek he stopped himself commenting on it and instead turned toward the nurse. She seemed to be humming under her breath and she took the thermometer and arm cuff back before making some notes on her chart and leaving with a cheery wave.

"I guess we need to talk about some things." Brian sat down and realized that he had been holding Justin's hand almost constantly. It wasn't bothering him though. Justin shrugged and looked down at the blanket.

"I haven't told anyone that I found you." Brian paused...he wasn't good at this talking stuff. Actions were a whole lot easier to convey. Words always held the possibility of a double meaning or the possibility of being a blatant lie. You couldn't really lie with your actions. "Do you want anyone to know yet or do you want some time?" Justin kept staring at his blanket his fingers tugged at the edge of it before he turned his gaze up and looked at Brian. "Right, um yes or no questions; do you want them to know?" Justin shook his head. So Justin did want time then. Brian was glad he hadn't told anyone now.

"Do you want to live with me at Britin?" Justin's eyes widened in shock and he mouthed something that Brian couldn't follow but could guess at. "No, I never got rid of it. Its your house Justin." A dazed smile overtook Justin's lips and Brian couldn't help the warmth that pooled inside of him at the expression.

"That's a yes then?" Justin shot him a look that was an obvious duh. Brian cocked an eyebrow and Justin grinned. Brian let the silence fall over them again and a sudden ache grew in his chest. Justin should be prattling his ear off right now. He needed to take the blond to the doctor when they got back and get his throat checked out as well as the rest of him. Justin would probably need to go to a specialist and they needed to get a referral to do that. He also needed to get Justin clothes in case he was discharged today; the doctor had said that it was likely. In order to do that though he would need to leave Justin's side. Something told him that wasn't a good idea. They wouldn't let the blond walk out of the hospital in a gown though. He'd worry about it later.

"Do you want to draw?" Justin's face lit up and he nodded eagerly holding out his hand expectantly. Brian opened his briefcase and got out the pad of paper he had been writing on earlier, he tore the list off of it and then passed it to Justin along with a pen. Was Justin able to draw wherever he had been? A frown marred Brian's face. To Justin art was like breathing. Brian knew because Justin was never far from a medium, painting, drawing, working with graphics, Justin seemed to be more alive-more in tune with himself when he did the activities.

Brian could remember when Justin had lost control of his hand after the bashing. It had been painful to watch him. The blond would switch from crying to screaming in rage when his hand cramped up and he couldn't move it. Justin had seemed to lose all of his spirit, everything that he was just floated away. For a while Brian had been scared that Justin was going to be stupid. He had never gotten to the point where he had locked the razors and knives away but he had come damn close a couple of times. Sometimes he would lie awake while Justin was sleeping and imagine coming home one day to find that Justin had hurt - or worse - killed himself. One of the final straws was when Justin had tried to quit PIFA, it had been the blond's dream and he was just going to throw it away. Brian had wanted to scream because Justin was letting them win, because Justin was killing himself.

He had never wanted to see the blond that hopeless ever again.

Brian looked up and saw that Justin had tilted his body to the side slightly, a knee drawn up so that the pad of paper was resting on it. His hand was moving in steady strokes and there was a slight indent in his brow as he focused. He had seen Justin draw thousands of times - hell most of his memories of them relaxing together involved a sketchpad and a drawing utensil. It had to hurt to hold the pen though; he knew that the blond's fingers were aching. They had to be, his drawing hand was the one with the missing and split nails.

Anger flashed through Brian's body again, it was going to take months for the nails to be fixed, there was a slight chance that Justin wouldn't even grow back the one that was missing. He'd had to look it up before because Jack had stomped on his hand once when he was walking off after hitting him to the ground. Brian could remember the pain as the nails split on his middle and ring finger. He ran his finger over one of the mentioned nails. He had been lucky; both of them had grown back without any problems. His middle finger had snapped and there was a bump on it where it had healed. All of his wounds have eventually healed leaving almost no trace on his body. His ribs were a bit sensitive and they were easy to crack, he had a deviated septum, a few small scars that had been hidden by age and a finger that was less than perfect. Most of his damage had been done to his mind.

Justin seemed to bear the brunt of the noticeable injuries. There was a scar that trailed the edge of his hairline and Brian was sure that the cut on his leg would scar. The blond now sported a deviated septum. He had seizures, something that they had managed to hide from everyone because they only happened during a panic attack. He had headaches that would sometimes last for weeks and sometimes he lost his center of gravity and would have to balance himself. His hand would cramp and sometimes he would lose control of it and drop things. The latter was something that rarely happened anymore. Now to top it all off, he didn't have a voice.

Brian really wanted to hit something because it wasn't fucking fair. He knew that life wasn't fair but it seemed to be particularly cruel to Justin. That was just counting the physical injuries not the emotional ones, some of which he had caused. He was 12 years older than Justin, he should be the one who had the worst health between them.

The scratching of the pen stopped and Brian could see Justin's fingers curl in an uncontrolled motion. He stood and grabbed the hand gently. "You pushed it." Brian rubbed the muscles and gently tugged the fingers from their curled position. Justin snatched his hand back a moment before grabbing the pen and pad throwing them at the wall. Tears filled the blue eyes spilling down Justin's cheeks, Brian knew that they were from frustration. He'd seen this happen before but not in a long time; usually the anger stage lasted a bit longer before Justin broke down though. Silent sobs jerked the blond's body and Brian lowered the guard rail on the bed. The I.V. was tucked into the crook of Justin's left arm on the opposite side of the bed. Brian toed off his shoes knowing that he was about to break hospital policy and not caring in the slightest.

"Get on your side and scoot your ass over." Justin did as he was told and Brian tossed his jacket onto the chair grateful that he had taken off his tie at some point, he thought it was during the drive to the hospital. Justin's back was pushed against the white railing his right arm tucked partially on his body with his left lying on his hip. Brian flipped the blanket up and got onto the bed. Wrapping his arm around Justin's shoulders he tugged the male so that he was partially lying on him, Justin seemed to get the message because his leg was thrown over Brian's and he shifted so that he was lying comfortably. Wet droplets hit Brian's shirt as he tucked Justin's head under his own, his arms were around the blond and his fingers ran in soothing motions across all the pale flesh they could reach, mostly the back of Justin's arms.

Justin's body was trembling ever so slightly and Brian couldn't help but hold him a bit closer. He could feel Justin's breath through the fabric of his shirt and he could hear the slight wheeze that accompanied every breath, slightly more noticeable than it would have usually because of Justin's tears. Brian basked in the sensation of the blond being in his arms. The warmth that was radiating from their skins intermingled and heated up a bit more.

Brian tugged the blanket over them before returning his arm back to it's rightful place. Justin smelled like sweat, dirt and dried blood. He could tell that his lover had been wiped clean for the most part but a quick going over with a wash cloth didn't really count as a good scrubbing. There were still flakes of blood in Justin's hair. They were dark blacks and reds and started at the top of Justin's head and moved down towards his left ear. How the hell had they gotten there? Justin's body had stopped quivering against him and by the even rise and fall of his chest he knew that the blond had fallen asleep. Brian closed his eyes and felt himself slip into the darkness.

There was a voice hazy at the edges of his mind. Brian struggled with it trying to make it out, a pressure was put on his shoulder and slowly his eyes opened. He blinked and was met with kind but stern eyes. They were framed by a thin tanned face, bright pink lips were trying to hide a smile and short black hair was caressing the woman's jawbone. "As cute as this is, you need to get up, it's a safety hazard to have two people in these beds."

"Yeah ok, just let me get him off of me." Brain gently ran his thumb down the back of Justin's neck before pushing it in slightly. He didn't know why but it was an instant wake up button for Justin. A silent yawn was emitted, the only reason Brian knowing about it was because the blond's head moved. "We need to get up Sunshine, the nice doctor lady told me that we're too big for the bed." Justin flipped onto his side and Brian resisted the urge to smile as he climbed out of the bed.

"Do you always climb into patient's beds or is this a new hobby?" The woman had a chart in her hand and she was making a few notes in it.

"Only the hot patients, they're usually a bit more-," a hand hit Brian's thigh and Justin had a half smile on his face. The slap held a very clear message, behave. Justin was no fun.

The woman shook her head slightly. "My name's Doctor Samson, I heard you were looking to get discharged today?" Brian moved to the side so that she could see Justin nod. He grabbed his shoes and sat down putting them on while the woman checked his lover over. Then reached into his jacket grabbing his phone and checked the time, 3 pm. There was no way that they were going to catch a flight today. If Justin needed to use a wheelchair they needed to get the ticket at least a day in advance just to avoid any issues arising. They were going to have enough issues without that bit of added drama.

Of course he could always just drive them back to Britin. It would be a seven hour drive though compared to a one hour flight. He'd probably be better just having Cynthia pick them up from the airport and taking them to get the vette. Brian stopped and tried to imagine getting Justin in and out of the car and scratched the idea. He would have Cynthia drive them to Britin - then they wouldn't have a car. Ok, he would have Cynthia pick them up take them to the vette and they would all drive to Britin. Simple enough and all he had to do was make sure that no one saw Justin while they were in town. It shouldn't be that hard, unless someone was stalking out the place but he was in San Francisco so why should there be any reason to?

He loved his family, he really did, but they were a nosey bunch of fuckers. California…so Jennifer was still looking for Justin. He'd had no idea. A part of him was ashamed for thinking that Jennifer could ever forget her son but another part of him was angry with her for not telling him. But he hadn't told anyone that he was looking either. Everyone had just known that he was going to keep looking, maybe he should tell her that he had found Justin. She was probably out of her mind with worry. He couldn't though because it was Justin's choice, not his, and as much as he loved Mother Taylor sometimes what she thought was best for her son was the complete opposite of what was; even if she did love her son unconditionally.

"You'll be the one taking care of him correct?" The doctor was looking at him and he realized who the question was for.

"Yeah."

"Ok, he'll need help bathing. A shower would be best just set a chair in it so that he can sit down. Change the bandages once every two days and apply antiseptic to prevent any infections. It'll take three weeks before he's allowed to walk, make sure he doesn't get up before. If he does then he runs the risk of tearing some of the deeper cuts open again. Watch his leg closely for infection. All of the cuts were filled with dirt though so if anything becomes red and inflamed see your doctor immediately. We gave him a tetanus shot since we didn't know if he'd had one or not. I'm writing a prescription for Valium for the attacks. They work fast so that's a good thing. I'd suggest getting a long-term medication for them though if they happen frequently and possibly getting a therapist to try to figure out why they happen. He's not having too much pain so you should give him some over the counter pain pills if he needs it. He indicated that he'd used a wheelchair before." The woman finally stopped and Brian tried to absorb all of the information that he had been told.

"Don't worry all the information will be in a packet I'll be giving you before the discharge." She turned to Justin. "It'll take about two hours for the discharge papers to be in order." Shit that wasn't enough time to go buy Justin some clothes and he really did not want to leave him here.

"Do you have some clothes that the hospital can give or sell to us. He doesn't have anything to wear and I don't think he wants to walk out of here with his bare ass shown to the world. Though I'm sure the masses would be pleased."

The woman nodded never missing a beat, "We can get him a pair of scrubs." Brian saw Justin freeze and the blond began to shake his head. He moved to him sitting on the edge of the bed grabbing Justin's hand to stop the coming panic.

"Ok, I can go get you some clothes but that means I'll have to leave you for a few hours." Justin looked terrified and he started to shake his head. "It's either that or the scrubs." Brian felt the grip on his hand tighten a bit more. "Sunshine, its one or the other. Do you want to wear the scrubs?" Justin seemed to be deciding something and he hesitantly nodded his head yes.

"I'll have the nurse bring them in with the discharge papers and wheelchair, she'll show you how to use it before you leave. We can take the I.V. out now if you like." Justin nodded eagerly and she smiled "I'll get the nurse to do that for you." The doctor held out her hand and Brian watched Justin hesitantly take it. "It's been a pleasure meeting you Justin." Then she was gone leaving them alone.

Brian sat there, his hand in Justin's and looking off to the wall trying to think of what he was supposed to say. Justin obviously had something against scrubs, but who could blame him really? That wasn't what was bothering him though. Justin was terrified of leaving his side. It was going to prove problematic. He couldn't take Justin to work with him everyday - well he could but not if they didn't want anyone finding out that Justin was around. He could probably work at the house for most things and have Cynthia bring his work to him but he would still have to go into the office for some things, threatening the art department for instance. Justin could come with him those times, maybe they could play him off as Cynthia's cousin or something - no Justin was definitely too well known at Kinnetic and he was damn sure someone who knew Liberty Avenue worked for him. No if he took Justin into Kinnetic word would definitely get around that he was back. Britin was far enough away that he didn't really have to worry about someone noticing Justin if they were shopping or something.

Then there was the problem of him not showing up at Woody's or Babylon - he hadn't been showing up much in the first place. He was lucky that Mikey hadn't really noticed. An appearance every once and a while was enough to sate the other man's curiosity about what was going on in his life. Once again he loved Mikey but the man was nosy. Nosy wasn't going to fly in this situation. He'd just have to see how things went. Justin would probably feel a bit more secure at Britin and once he'd settled down he would probably be ok by himself for a few hours. If not - well Brian hoped that he could deal with a shadow.

Brian vaguely paid attention as a woman came in and removed the I.V. He really wasn't that worried about it. He watched Justin open his mouth to thank her though and then close it merely smiling as the nurse left.

"You know we really need to get you a whiteboard or something," Justin looked at him and Brian wanted to chuckle at the indignation that he was portraying. "Hey I'm not a mind reader and eventually you're going to need to ask me for something or I'm going to need more than a yes or no answer. Though it wouldn't be productive to us having sex somehow stopping to write fuck me, or shove your cock in me just doesn't seem as hot." Brian felt the hand separate from his before it was pushed against his crotch and a light squeeze was given.

"Or we could just use body language?" The hand started to rub him and Brian pushed into it. They should stop, they really should. They were in a hospital, with the door open, where anybody could walk in or walk past. Justin was giving him a smile that said I know what you want. His zipper was undone and Brian pulled back ignoring the look of disappointment on Justin's face. Moving to the door he closed it before making sure the curtain was drawn. Then he turned and saw that Justin's grin was back. Brian grinned back and made his way back to the bed and Justin was on him as soon as he was in reach. His dick was pulled out and Brian felt his lips open slightly to let in more air as Justin started to stroke him.

God, it had been so long since anyone's hand besides his own had been on him. His legs shifted apart and he could feel the blond's scabs that were on his hands. What if this was hurting Justin? He locked his gaze onto his lover's face and saw nothing satisfaction and pleasure. Ok, he definitely wasn't hurting him. Leaning forward Brian ran his tongue along the edge of Justin's ear. He heard the blond's breathing speed up and he tugged on the edge of the shell before sucking and licking at the spot. He already knew that he wasn't going to be able to last long.

He moved his hand and Justin grabbed it with the hand that wasn't wrapped around him and interlaced their fingers. Brian ran his tongue down the side of Justin's neck before sucking at his pulse. Justin's thumb pushed into his slit and he gave a buck of his hips. He pulled back noting the slight flush that held on Justin's skin. Brian saw Justin lick his lips and he released Brian's hand to tug on his hip. It took a moment before Brian realized that the blond was trying to get him on the bed.

"I don't have anything on me," Justin rolled his eyes and touched Brian's dick then Justin touched his own lips. "You want to blow me?" Justin nodded and swiped his thumb over Brian's tip again. Brian looked at the blond's lip, Justin had already torn it open once today and the blowjob, as much as Brian wanted it, would probably hurt the split more than help it. Justin tugged on his cock. Fuck it.

Brian kicked his shoes off again before moving so that he was kneeling with his knees on either side of the blond. Justin shifted down so that his face was even with Brian's cock. Brian looked down at him and Justin looked back wrapping his hand around Brian and taking him into his lips.

Fuck. Justin was so warm, his lips were chapped and they were rubbing against his skin. There was a bit of irony in the fact that he was the one getting a blowjob while he was on his knees but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge it. His hands pushed into the back of Justin's skull and started to gently guide the blond. Cold air would hit his flesh every time Justin pulled back and he watched as Justin's lips swelled .

The blue eyes were still looking up at him though they were half-lidded. "Fuck Justin, so good," his hips bucked and he felt himself get close. Justin's hand moved from around his dick to wrap around his balls, both real and fake. He tugged lightly and Brian felt them draw up and a pressure push out from his body. He tried to hold off his orgasm biting his lip but he knew it was going to be useless. A tongue was pushed into his slit and he let out a gasp. He pushed Justin's head down onto his shaft and spilled into the boy's throat. Brian stayed like that a moment his breaths heavy in the room.

Looking down at the blond he saw nothing but satisfaction on the boy's face as he pulled from his mouth. His dick was wet with spit, luckily only with spit, as he tucked it into his pants and zipped himself up. "Your turn." Brian grinned and moved off of the bed. He tugged the blanket off of the the blond. Justin was shaking his head and giving him a nervous smile and he tried to grab Brian's hand. Brian shook his head, "Justin look we have time, I haven't tasted you in over a year it'll be fine." He slipped his hand up the gown and grabbed Justin's dick. His soft dick that was lying limp against his thigh.

Justin wasn't hard.

Coming up on Breaking the Silence

_He moved the washcloth down Justin's chest and sides while he pushed their lips together. Their tongues swirled and his hand moved lower…_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Chapter 6**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 6

He slipped his hand up the gown and grabbed Justin's dick. His soft dick that was lying limp against his thigh.

Justin wasn't hard.

Brian froze in disbelief. How the fuck could Justin not be hard? He always got hard off of sucking Brian's cock. Yet there was the proof in his hand, Justin's dick was as limp as Brian's would be after watching lesbian's have sex. That was not a pretty mental image. Pulling his hand back Brian looked at Justin's face. He knew - Justin was giving him this half-ashamed look and Brian realized he had known. Justin had known that his dick was going to stay soft. The little shit had fucking known!

"Fuck Justin! What the hell," Justin tried to grab his hand and Brian pulled it back sharply. He was pissed beyond all belief. Justin should have told him! He never would have - fuck! It wasn't just the fact that he was angry though there was guilt swelling inside of him. He should have noticed. He used to be so in tune with Justin's body, how the hell had he not noticed that his dick was soft? Everything had seemed fine though. Justin's flesh had held that flushed look and he had that expression in his eyes that said he was turned on beyond belief. Justin was shaking his head and he made another grab for Brian to stop him from turning away

"What the fuck's going on Justin, your dick is fucking soft. I never would have let you suck me if I had known." Justin motioned with his hand as if he was writing something and Brian tugged away from him. Where the fuck was that pad of paper? Brian moved away from the bed toward the wall and mentally gave a small aha of triumph as he spotted it behind a chair, the pen had rolled a bit. Stooping down he picked both items up then made his way to the bed and shoved them into Justin's hands. "There pen and paper now fucking explain."

Justin was writing then, his pen darting over the page in what looked to be slight anger. He passed the pad to Brian.

'I know you wouldn't have. Why the hell do you think I didn't tell you. I wanted to suck your cock.'

"I don't want to get my dick sucked if you're not turned on by it." Justin wasn't some nameless trick in the backroom that Brian didn't care about. He was different, Brian actually cared if he came. Sure the boys in the backroom usually came but when they were down on the ground sucking him he usually just left after he shot his load. Justin snatched the paper from his hand and wrote something before shoving it back at him.

'Fuck you. I was turned on, just because I can't get hard, doesn't mean I don't enjoy pleasure. I haven't been able to get a hard on for a year so I'm used to it. Sure it sucks but it's become a norm for me. But don't you dare think that I didn't enjoy that.'

A year - Justin hadn't been able to get hard for a year? Brian couldn't imagine it. He had a vague idea of course because of the chemo treatments. But that had been a couple of months not an entire fucking year. What the hell could have made Justin loose his ability to get an erection? The paper was snatched again and Justin gave him a look before writing something and handing it back to him.

'I wanted to suck you, you wanted me to suck you. You came in my mouth and I enjoyed it. That's the end of it Brian. Now can we move on?'

He wanted to argue, he really did, but Brian knew he wasn't going to get anymore out of Justin than he already had. The blond was closing himself off, a trick he seemed to have unfortunately learned from him. He really needed to stop teaching Justin tricks, unless they were of the sexual nature. It didn't look like they would be getting any of that for a while though. When they got back to the Pitts he'd have to ask the doctor to run some tests and find out what the hell was wrong. In fact he needed to have a lot of things done for Justin, blood work, urology, a complete checkup.

"Fine," Justin grabbed his hand and tugged him closer. Brian didn't want to fight with Justin - he really didn't. The blond had been gone from his life for a year and they'd been together less than 24 hours and already they had found something to bite each other's heads off about. Ok, so it was kind of hard for Justin to bite his head off using a pen and a pad of paper. It was obvious the blond had been upset and frustrated though. In fact Brian could imagine that Justin was more pissed about the inability to get hard than he was. Hell Brian could remember the feelings of shame and inadequacy that he had experienced. Justin was probably feeling the same way.

Not that the blond would tell him that. They weren't a pair of dykes they didn't sit down and share their feelings in a lovely therapy session. Things like 'I just want you to know our argument hurt me. I wish you would try harder to understand my feelings about this situation.' Or the words, 'I understand your feelings hunny and I'll try to keep them in mind when we talk.' God, if they ever did start talking like that they would be a damn pair of heteros.

A hand wrapped around Brian's neck and he felt himself being tugged down before a pair of lips slammed into his own. Brian wanted to pull back, he really did, but this was normal for them. Fight then try to fuck each other through the closest available surface. It was efficient and it worked off their excess energy. Sometimes Brian thought they fought just so that they could have the wild sex. One time they had broken a medicine cabinet, and the kitchen sink and a table, and several lamps…they cracked a window one time too. Yeah their makeup sex was great, and Justin usually walked away limping.

Justin's tongue shoved into his mouth and Brian grabbed the back of Justin's neck sucking on his tongue. He realized now that Justin had an old taste in his mouth, the kind that you got after not brushing for a few days. It wasn't bad per say but it definitely hid the taste that Justin normally had; the taste that came from the green tea toothpaste that he favored. How the hell Justin had found the stuff Brian had no idea but he had never complained.

Fingers were lacing in Brian's hair and he was tugged closer. Brian was chest to chest with Justin, bent over slightly and Justin's hand was fisting tighter before it jerked his head back and lips were pressed to Brian's neck. Teeth scrapped over the brunette's neck. "Fuck Justin," a tongue was making its way down into the hollow of his throat. A knock sounded at the door and Brian and Justin jumped apart. Trying to look casual and not like they had been fucking each other's mouths a second earlier. He may not be able to fuck Justin, but like hell if he wasn't going to kiss the fuck out of him. The door was pushed open.

"Mr. Taylor?" A cop was standing in the doorway and he made his way into the room after Justin nodded. "My name is Officer O'Neil and I'd like to ask you a few questions." Brian sat back into the chair by the bed and watched the cop closely before grabbing the pad of paper that had fallen to the ground and ripping off the first two sheets folding them and sticking them into his pocket. Then the pen and paper were pushed into Justin's hands. "Sir, if you could leave the room so that we can have privacy."

Brian felt his hand being grabbed like a lightning strike and Justin was giving the cop a look that said no way and Brian shrugged. "Guess I'm staying." The cop looked at them for a moment before nodding.

" It's your choice Mr. Taylor. Before we begin we have a Justin Taylor listed in the missing persons database that matches your description." The cop had moved closer and Justin nodded at the statement, "he's been missing for a year, are you him?" The blond looked at the cop before nodding and a note was made on the cops small notebook. "Alright, we found you at the edge of the forest do you remember what brought you there?" Justin shook his head, "all right can you tell me where you were for the past year?" Justin shook his head again and the man made a note on his paper. "Are you sure you can't remember anything? It's important that I get all the information so that we can try to get the case closed."

Justin shook his head and Brian knew he was lying - Justin knew what had happened in the last year Otherwise he wouldn't have been able to remember that he couldn't get hard. The blond was once again lying - the question still remained as to why. Brian stopped paying attention to the cop after that point, he knew that Justin wasn't going to give anything away. Justin was lying to people - trying to hide the events of the past year and the reason that he was in those woods. Brian wondered if Justin just didn't want strangers to know or was he also going to deny him the information. So far he hadn't really asked Justin anything related to the last year. He was too focused on just trying to get Justin home. That was where his priorities were right now. He just wanted to get him home and keep him safe. Healing Justin could come later. Justin was writing something on the paper and he showed it to the cop. "Are you sure," the cop was frowning and Justin nodded. "Alright, I'll leave you alone, if you think of anything please call the station." Justin nodded and a moment later the cop had disappeared through the door.

"What'd you ask him?" Justin handed Brian the paper.

'Don't tell anyone I've been found.'

Brian nodded and glanced toward the clock, the nurse should be showing up at any moment. He briefly contemplated putting the pen and paper away but quickly decided against it. Justin might need to tell him something. He slipped on his shoes right as the nurses entered. "Hi my names Jessica and this is Charles we'll be helping you discharge today." She was a short woman and was a bit round about the middle but she had a bright smile. "I'll just need you to sign these papers then we can get you dressed and get you out of here." Brian watched her park the wheelchair before handing Justin some papers with a pen. They were signed and she took them back then turned to Brian. "I'm going to leave now and Charles will show you how to use the wheelchair and then take you down so that you two can be on your way. I hope you have a speedy recovery Justin."

Charles smiled and motioned for Brian to come closer to the wheelchair showing him the locking mechanism and how the arms would slide down if your released a latch and also how to attach and detach the foot rests. He knew that Justin was watching them the entire time, he also knew that Charles was flirting with him slightly. He wasn't interested. "That's pretty much it, the chair's not difficult to use." Charles picked up the wrapped scrubs, "Do you need help to get dressed Justin or do you want me to leave?" Justin shrugged and grabbed the outreached scrubs.

"That means he doesn't give a fuck." The nurse let out a laugh as he drew the curtain closed and Brian watched Justin sit up and throw his legs over the side of the bed. The gown was stripped off and for the first time Brain saw the bruises covering the blond's chest. His nipple ring was missing and there were several deep scratches on Justin's chest and thighs that he hadn't noticed. Justin was then tugging on the shirt and pants. Brian saw him rock from side to side to get them around his waist and then Brian turned to the nurse, he had unintentionally been standing in front of the man blocking Justin from his view.

"Ok now let's get you into the chair and you can leave, if your friend can go get his car we can meet him at the pick up and drop off area." Brian saw Justin freeze and he shook his head, "it'll only be for a few minutes Justin I promise. I won't leave without you. The sooner we can get out of here the sooner we can get home to Britin." Brian watched as Justin bit his lip before nodding, "alright Sunshine I'll see you downstairs."

Brian grabbed his briefcase and opened it placing the paper and pen inside, "Here are the aftercare papers," Charles was next to him holding out a folder with the words St. Davids Hospital across it. The folder was slipped into the briefcase and Brian shot Justin a look before slipping on his jackets and leaving the room. He resisted the urge to run. Justin had looked like he was about to cry when he had left the room. Justin definitely had some anxiety about being separated from him. Brian glanced at the clock as he made his way across the lobby of the hospital. It was five forty-five, they would have to go shopping tomorrow before they went home. He needed to call Cynthia and have her reserve the flights.

Maybe while they were out he could pick Justin up some pencils and a sketchpad. It would entertain the now silent blond on the plane and Brian could tell that Justin was craving the feeling of drawing again. The keys were slipped into the car and Brian got in and put his briefcase in the backseat. He slipped the car into reverse and pulled out making his way to the drop off and pick up area. Justin was already there shivering in the cold air. Fuck the blond didn't have anything on but a pair of scrubs his arms bare to the freezing air around him. He should have left Justin his coat when he had left. Brian put the car into park and quickly exited. Justin looked like he was about to jump out of his skin. His eyes were darting from side to side and he kept looking around with a fearful expression on his face. Brian saw the look fade instantly and calm overtake the blond's body as soon as he spotted him. \ Justin really couldn't be away from him without freaking out. It was a bit disconcerting. Justin was an independent person not some helpless little kid. It really was like the bashing all over again - only worse.

The passenger door to the bug was opened and Brian moved to help Justin, only to be met with a glare that said fuck off. "Ok Sunshine get in the car yourself." Geez he was hostile. Brian couldn't of been happier to see the sudden confidence, it was almost as if his mere presence brought the fight back into Justin.

The arm of the chair was slid down and Justin shifted himself into the seat of the bug shooting Brian a look that said 'see I can do it myself.' Brian shrugged and grabbed the wheelchair ignoring Charles as he folded it and stuck it in the backseat of the bug. He didn't bother saying goodbye as he got into the car and reached over clicking Justin's seatbelt and then his own and pulling away from the hospital.

It didn't take long for Justin to have the radio turned on to fill the silence between them. The blond hadn't changed, his taste in music still sucked. A pop beat filled the car and Brian wanted to slam his head against the wheel. Really couldn't Justin find something better to listen to, something that didn't sound like it should be coming from a teenager's car - a female teenager. For some reason he didn't snap off the radio though and let the beat fill the car. It was almost comforting to have something so familiar happen.

Brian glanced over to Justin and saw the blond mouthing the words to the song and hitting the beat out on the side of his knee. How Justin could do that with his hands the way they were Brian would never figure out. He supposed it was because Justin had a high pain tolerance or something. He'd seen Justin trip and slam onto the concrete with both knees and get back up laughing like nothing had happened. Besides nipple piercings were supposed to hurt like hell. The address to the hotel had already been punched into the GPS and Brian glanced at the device, three more minutes. Another song came on and Justin froze before shutting the radio and looking out the window. Ok that was weird. Justin was doing a lot of weird things though. Brian wasn't sure he was going to be able to keep track of all of them.

He pulled into the hotel and managed to find two empty parking spaces next to each other. The car was shut off and he got out before walking to the passenger's side getting out the wheelchair and setting it up. A second later the passenger door was opened and Brian pushed the chair into position. "Ok get your ass in." Justin grinned and shifted into the chair before pulling the arm up and then wrapping his arms around himself. Justin wheeled himself away from the car and Brian slammed the door shut locking the car. His outer coat was off a moment later and he put it over Justin before grabbing the handles of the wheel chair and started to push them towards the entrance. "Let's get the fuck inside I feel like the one ball I have is going to fucking shrivel."

There was snow lining the edges of the parking lot and the chair seemed to have no issue pushing through any slight slush they found. The lobby greeted them like an old friend, hot air rushing over them as they pushed through the doors. It was a fairly small hotel, clean lines and homey furniture littered around. Brian knew Justin loved it. The counter was directly in front of them and Brian pushed Justin to it before stepping out from behind the chair.

A teenager was behind the counter, short choppy black hair fell over his eyes and he looked up as Brian approached. "Can I help you?"

"Reservation under Brian Kinney," the teen clacked away at the computer before nodding.

"A king bed suite?"

"That would be it."

The kid cast a glance to Justin then at the computer again. "Um, we have accessible suites. They're made for people with wheelchairs, I can check if there's one open." The teen was obviously a bit nervous his voice shaking slightly. Brian wondered if he was new to the job.

"Sure," the black haired boy clacked away at the computer again and looked up a moment later.

"There's an accessible suite with a queen sized bed if you want to change it."

Brian nodded and reached for his wallet to pull out his credit card and ID as the kid changed the room orders. He had never even thought to make sure that Cynthia got something that Justin would be more comfortable in. Hell he wasn't even sure what was in an accessible suite but he didn't really care, if there was a chance that Justin was going to have an easier time he'd take it. There was a small store tucked into the side of the lobby and Brian made a mental note to visit it to get bandages and some antiseptics so that he could rewrap Justin's feet after the blond took a shower.

His cards were handed over and the kid punched in the information before looking at Brian then looking at the card again then at Brian again. "Is there a problem?" Brian's voice held a sarcastic tone and he raised an eyebrow at the kid.

"No, it's just umm, you look good, you know for your age," Brian saw red and he snatched the now outstretched cards and white envelope with their key cards from the kid's hand. "It's room 301."

"And you sound like puberty hit and your balls retracted instead of fell," Justin was shaking with silent laughter as Brian wheeled him towards the small store. He really hated it when people mentioned his age. He wasn't that old! Having a younger lover kept you young - thank you very much.

Guiding them through the aisles Brian quickly grabbed the items and bought them before exiting the store and making his way to the elevators. Justin was still giving a silent chuckle every now and then and Brian rolled his eyes. It wasn't that funny - maybe Brian should remind the blond that he had been id checked to get into clubs that were 18+ when he was 23. It had always been a source of embarrassment for Justin.

Brian was still nursing his pride as they opened the door to the room. The main entrance was an open area and a kitchen was tucked against the right wall with a table in the corner. Justin had pushed the coat into his lap and Brian moved from behind Justin's chair to let the blond wheel himself around the room. The area was obviously designed with a wheelchair in mind. Everything was either tucked against a wall or dispersed so that there was plenty of room between the objects. There was a chocolate colored couch against the left wall and a coffee table sat in front of it. There wasn't a tv in the main room. Moving into the bedroom Brian stripped off his suit jacket and undid the cuffs of his sleeves.

"Do you want a shower?" Brian turned to the blond that had wheeled into the room, Justin gave a nod and Brian kicked off his shoes at the foot of the bed, his suit jacket was lying across the bottom. He moved over to the open bathroom door and flicked the light on noting the wide space between the toilet and the wall. The shower was a walk-in with a sliding door and a small wooden bench was built into the wall opposite of the showerhead. Justin could probably take a shower by himself but like hell Brian was going to miss a chance to wash the blond. Even if it couldn't end in hot fucking.

He entered the bathroom and started to strip off his clothes tossing them onto the counter, he heard Justin enter the bathroom. "Do you want help getting into the shower?" Brian turned to see Justin shrugging off his pants kicking them off, his shirt was already lying on the floor. Justin shook his head and wheeled himself over to the shower. Shaking his head Brian leaned down facing the door and gathered the scrubs from the floor before placing them on the counter with his own clothes. When he turned around Justin was already in the shower sitting on the bench his back on the wall. The chair was pushed against the edge of the shower blocking the door and Brian unlocked it before pushing it away. He stepped into the shower and turned the water on.

"Fuck!" Cold stings hit his back and Brian glared at Justin as the blond gave him a teasing look. Brian's body had blocked most of the water leaving Justin dry. That fucker.

"Next time I'm letting it hit you," Justin gave a shrug and Brian moved, the water had heated up and it smacked into Justin's face. Red soon began to slip down the side of the blond's face from his hair. Brian turned grabbing some soap and a washcloth before creating a lather and running it across the red and black flakes of blood. They came away revealing Justin's pale scalp and blond hair.

A hand was pushed to Brian's chest over the platinum rings and he froze. Justin was looking at him with a questioning gaze. 'You kept them,' the words echoed silently from a memory of long ago. Brain reached a hand up and covered Justin's with his own before closing their hands around the jewelry. Justin nodded and Brian released his hand but kept his own hovering, words passing between them without being spoken. There was no need to, the message was clear: I missed you, I was waiting for you. I'll always wait for you. I love you. Their hands fell down and Brian turned back to his task."

Brian took his time and gently washed Justin behind mindful of his injuries. The washcloth flew down Justin's neck leaving soapy residue. Brian's body was partially blocking the spray again. He gripped Justin's right arm and slipped the washcloth over the flesh being mindful of his lover's fingers then he repeated the same on the left side. He moved the washcloth down Justin's chest and sides while he pushed their lips together. Their tongues swirled and his hand moved lower, he wanted to pay attention to Justin's cock but he knew it would be useless. The times he had jerked Justin off in a similar situation ran through his mind and he felt his own cock give a twitch. He shook it off breaking their lips and finished Justin's thighs. Kneeling down he finished the long legs. "Ok time to do your back," Justin nodded and turned toward the side of the shower; Brian grabbed the soap and started to lather the washcloth. He sat down and raised his eyes from his task and froze.

"What the fuck happened?"

_ Coming up on Breaking the Silence _

_Later he was going to remember everything about this moment. Later he would worry about his image. Right now though it didn't matter. None of it mattered._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 7

He sat down and raised his eyes from his task and froze.

"What the fuck happened?"

Brian saw Justin flinch and he dropped the washcloth before reaching and turning of the spray from the shower. His hands wiped the water from the pale flesh and he had to fight to control his breathing. Scars littered Justin's back, all about an inch to three inches in length. Closer to the bottom of Justin's back there was a long scar that curled up to his shoulder blade. The skin was raised on some of the scars and Brian trailed his fingers along a few of them. God, there were so many of them. Brian trailed his finger down the longest one. Brain could feel the shaky breaths in his lover's body. "Are there any more injuries Justin?" How many were there? Why did it seem that every time he turned around he would find some new wound?

He saw the blond head nod and Justin turned around so that he was facing Brian before taking his hand and pushing it to his nipple. Brian moved his hand and looked at the dark bud, it was had a scar running through the center of it the flesh overlapping slightly. Justin wasn't missing his nipple ring it had been torn out. He ran his thumb over the marred flesh before meeting Justin's eyes. The blond looked insecure, unsure and a little scared. Why the hell would he be scared though. Brian wasn't the one who had done this. He wasn't the one who had ruined the pale flesh; flesh that Brian had spent countless nights running his tongue and fingertips down; had spent countless hours playing with to bring the blond pleasure.

Brian moved his hand down ghosting over the scratches on Justin's stomach. There were so many injuries, there was so much pain. The anger had seemed to drain out of him and instead there was this deep despair. Justin's skin told his story; it told Brian that there was pain, pain that still lingered in both the physical and the emotional sense. Some of the scratches - more like cuts - would scar. There was a deep one that drew a line down to Justin's naval that looked particularly nasty. Was that what Justin was afraid of, was he scared that Brian wouldn't want him anymore now that he was covered in scars. Brian reached his hand up and cupped the side of Justin's head before trailing his thumb along the scar that reached into the man's hairline.

"They don't make you any less beautiful," the words were soft. He shifted his hand down and ran his thumb over the split in Justin's lip before leaning forward and kissing him gently. . It was a bitter sweet kiss and Brian felt Justin's arms wrap around him and push against him. The kiss was chaste and Brian didn't move to change it. He just let their lips stay together. Brian could feel the tears hit his face and he knew that they weren't his. Justin was crying, silently and without any movement. The tears were just falling.

Shifting Brian stood and wrapped one of his arms around Justin's shoulders and another under his knees. The blond was in his arms a moment later Justin's arms coming around his neck. The bathroom tiles were cold under his feet as he made his way from the bathroom into the bedroom. He set Justin down on the bed before kissing him lightly. "I need to change the bandages on your feet." Brian searched for the bag with their purchases and quickly found where Justin had put it. He was on the bed a moment later unwrapping the now wet gauze from Justin's feet. The white material came away stained with blood and for the first time Brian looked at the mess on his lover's feet. There were cuts across them ranging in size and the bottom of his soles looked as if they had been through a war. Maybe they had.

He applied the antiseptic and rebandaged them before placing the dirty bandages in the bag and tossing them into the bedside garbage can. Then he was moving. He laid on the bed next to Justin and the blond curled into him burying his face into the crook of Brian's neck. Brian wrapped an arm around Justin and stroked a thumb over the base of his skull, over and over, steadily. He could feel Justin's tears coating his neck.

Later he would call himself a dyke. Later he was going ask himself where in the hell his balls went. Later he would look at Justin and remember every scar and every kiss and every tear. Later he was going to remember everything about this moment. Later he would worry about his image. Right now though it didn't matter. None of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was the man in his arms and what he needed because secretly, it was what they both needed.

Brian waited a good hour after Justin had fallen asleep to get out of bed. The blond whined but rolled over with a gentle nudge grabbing a pillow and clinging to it. He was really going to have to figure out how Justin slept so deeply one day. There was a deep pressure in Brian's bladder and he moved to the bathroom. When was the last time he had taken a piss - or eaten anything for that matter? He felt like his bodies functions had gone into a hibernated state and were just waking up. He hadn't seen Justin eat or use the bathroom either.

Shrugging he finished his business before washing his hands and going back to the bedroom. Justin was still sleeping. There was some light filtering into the bedroom from a lamp outside and it cast a glow on the blond. He was lying on his stomach partially his face burrowed into a pillow. Brian could see the scars. He grabbed his phone from his jacket pocket and moved into the living room sitting on the couch. He just sat there in the dark. The cool air was pushing against his skin. Reaching up Brain trailed his fingers over the platinum bands. They sometimes felt like a heavy weight against his chest. They were filled with promises and dreams, both his and Justin's.

He needed a drink. He got up from the couch and walked over to the mini-fridge and peered into it. There were four beers lined up, Brian grabbed them and sat back down on the couch. The first lid was popped and Brian took a deep drink, the amber brown liquid splashing down his throat. He really wanted something a bit harder than the beer. He drank it slowly picking off the label on the side of the bottle. So many things were running through his head and nothing was running through his head all at the same never would have acted like this before he met Justin. He was the fuck without a care, then throw them out guy. Justin had changed all of that.

' _That persistent kid has gotten under the wire.'_

Brian took another swig of his beer and leaned his head against the back of the couch. Great now Debbie was in his head. She had been right though - that persistent kid - that twink had somehow forced his way into Brian's head and heart. Justin had shoved and kicked and broken Brian down. He had made him change. Another swig was taken. Sometimes Brian wished that he could go back to being that meaningless playboy, that he could go back to being the ultimate stud of Babylon. Other times though - the memories hurt. Not the memories of fucking mindless people, the memories of what it had done to Justin. It had hurt the blond, it had hurt him so much. Brian could remember every tear, every argument. He could remember how Justin's face would flash in betrayal and the way he would try to hide that look. Brian could remember everything.

He had worked his way onto the second beer. He needed to stop thinking about this shit, there was no point to it. It wasn't going to do them any good for him to sit here and think about the things he wished he could change. Things that he couldn't change. Brian grabbed his cellphone and scrolled for Cynthia's number before pushing the send button.

It was 9 at night, there was a chance that she wasn't even going to pick up. He heard it ring, once, twice, then four times before it was picked up with a soft click.

"Boss?" She sounded tired and Brian instinctively knew that even though he had called her cell phone because of the hour, that she was still in the office.

"Working late?" Brian set the bottle down.

"Yeah, the new intern fucked up and I have to clean it up."

"Want me to fire her?"

"No, I've dealt with it boss."

Brian nodded and resisted the urge to grab the bottle again.

"What did you need boss?"

Brian was silent.

"Boss?"

"I need you to make flight arrangements for tomorrow, something in the early afternoon. Tell them one of the passengers needs wheelchair arrangement." Cynthia let out a small gasp and Brian cut her off, "it's not permanent."

"All right…is there anything else?" She sounded hesitant and Brian knew that she wanted to ask a million questions and was resisting.

"Get groceries for Britin and pick us up at the airport, also call and make Justin an appointment at our doctor's office."

"Alright, I'll call you tomorrow morning with the flight information." Brian hung up and looked at the beer bottles. He wasn't going to drink anymore tonight. Leaving the phone in the living room he made his way back into the bed. Justin was still lying in the exact place that he left him, on top of the duvet. Shaking his head Brian climbed back into the bed. (I moved that statement, just seemed to fit better there.) Justin seemed to sense his presence because as soon as he was lying down the blond turned to him pushing their skin together. Brian fell asleep trailing his fingers down the long scar on Justin's back wondering where it came from.

Brian slowly woke up, the world edging in. His eyes slipped open and turned on his side to see Justin lying next to him, his head propped up on one arm. Justin had been watching him sleep. "Morning, you want some breakfast?" Justin gave an eager nod and Brian smiled before getting off the bed and going to the bathroom to get the wheelchair. By the time he had rolled it into the bedroom Justin was positioned on the edge of the bed to get into it. Brian flipped the lock on and Justin maneuvered himself into the chair. The brunette didn't stay to watch but walked into the living room grabbing the menu from the table.

"Do you want to eat here or do you want to go out?" He turned and saw Justin mouthing the word here while wheeling himself into the room. "Ok pick out what you want and I'll order it." Brian grabbed the beer bottles and put them on the counter while Justin looked at the menu. A few minutes later he had Justin's selection via some pointing and Justin went back into the bedroom.

Brian picked up the phone and ordered the pancakes, sausage and eggs as well as placing his own order of coffee. He needed a shower, his had been disturbed last night and he could feel the grease starting to gather in his hair. Brian set the phone down and headed to the bathroom. He grinned as he entered it. Justin was sitting on the toilet taking a piss. "I think you spent too much time with the munchers," Justin gave him a look flicking him off before mouthing, fuck you. Shrugging Brian turned on the shower, closed the door and started to wash. He heard Justin moving around in the bathroom through the glass doors and he figured he was getting dressed.

It was weird, Justin seemed fine, normal almost, when they were together and alone. If anyone else was in the room though Justin seemed to get nervous and clung to him. So was it an aversion to people then? Did Justin not trust anyone he didn't know? Did he trust anyone he did? Brian hadn't seen him with anyone from their group; he would have to see what happened with Cynthia later. If Justin got nervous around the people that he used to trust then they might have bigger issues than what Brian had originally anticipated.

He shut off the water and grabbed a towel drying off before tossing it onto the counter and putting on his clothes, he left his shirt unbuttoned and walked into the living room. Justin was sitting at the table eating his breakfast. He was wearing the scrubs again and once and a while he would stop and rub the stubble on his chin. Brian knew that he had a shadow forming, luckily Justin had always been slow to grow facial hair.

Brian grabbed the coffee from the tray before sitting at the table and pouring sugar into it from the tiny white packets. Brian had never really understood Justin's fascination with fattening foods - ok so he could understand it but that didn't mean he had to endorse it. Silently he vowed to never let Justin find his chocolate stash. Brian raised an eyebrow as Justin poured more syrup onto his plate and proceeded to rub his scrambled eggs through them. Justin was going to get fat one of these days. For now though he could stand to gain a few pounds, maybe the blond should keep with his current habits - at least for a little while.

There was a newspaper on the table and he grabbed it flipping through the pages until he found the stock page. He glanced over the numbers and checked which businesses seemed to be floundering and which were rising; it was an offensive strategy to his company. He would see which businesses needed a boost and actually had a good product then get someone to call them with a sales pitch. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't but he didn't get this far just by sitting on his ass and letting clients come to him. There was nothing in the newspaper that he hadn't seen though so he folded it over back to the front page and scanned over it, there was a follow-up piece on Justin. The blond's name wasn't mentioned though so he didn't concern himself with it. The article pretty much stated that Justin was released from the hospital in good health and there would be no lasting damage.

His phone went off and Brian got up snatching it and almost answered it without checking the id. Michael's name was staring at him from the display. Part of him wanted to ignore the call but it had been five days since he had last talked to Mikey, the last time being on Friday. He looked at Justin's back before answering the phone.

"Mikey?"

"Brian! I've been trying to get ahold of you for days. Are you ok?" Brian raised and eyebrow.

"Yeah I'm fine, my phone was off all weekend because I was working on something and I've been in meetings since early Tuesday." He wasn't really lying, he had been working on finding Justin last weekend and he had been in meetings - just not with clients. Words were easy to manipulate.

"Alright, Mom's just worried, ya know? You never show up for Sunday dinners and half the time people can't get a hold of you on the weekend."

"Look Mikey I'm fine."

"It's just that…" Michael's voice trailed off.

"It's just what?" Brian felt his ire start to rise.

"The anniversary is next week…you know from the day Justin…" Brian resisted the urge to snap at his friend. Why was it that every time something bad happened Michael assumed he was going to do something stupid - ok so it wasn't that farfetched. He did have the scarfing incident working against him and there was that time where he had been standing on the ledge of a roof when his son was born.

"I'm fine Mikey, pay attention to the professor and the brat." Michael started to protest and Brian cut him off, "I've got to go." He snapped the phone closed and set it on the table looking up to be met with a questioning and slightly cocky gaze. "Shut the fuck up Justin," The blond held up his hands in surrender.

Brian slipped the phone into his pocket and moved to Justin before running his tongue over the blond's lips gathering the syrup from them. He moved to pull back and Justin's hand wrapped around the back of his neck, their lips parted and came back together. Justin was sliding his other hand under Brian's open shirt, his fingers dancing across the skin. Brian slipped his hands along Justin's body pushing the shirt up, Justin raised his arms and the shirt was tossed to the side. Brian pulled back and grabbed a chair pulling it close before sitting in it and pulling Justin from his wheelchair so that he was sitting on his lap.

"That's better." Justin grinned at him and Brian felt their lips connect a second later, Justin was pushing his shirt off and Brian let him. The blue material fell back against the chair before slipping down. Brian lowered his mouth pushing Justin's body away from his slightly so that he could wrap his mouth around the now scarred nipple. His tongue lathered over it and he sucked lightly, he could feel Justin arching slightly and fingers dig into his shoulders. A light tug with his teeth and the sound of air being sucked in through closed teeth met his ears. Brian mentally smirked and soothed the nipple with his tongue before licking his way to the other hardening nub.

Brian could taste the sweat forming on Justin's skin salty against his tongue as he rubbed his hands along the blond's back. He watched as the skin started to flush and the nipples filled with blood turning them a shade darker. His lips finally locked over the other nipple and Justin began running a hand through his hair. A wheezing sound was speeding up and Brian smirked knowing that he was the one causing it.

A chime started and Brian's pocket vibrated, he wanted to kill something. He had Justin in a starting frenzy and he was enjoying it damnit! Justin had said he enjoyed pleasure even if he couldn't get hard, so while he wasn't about to fuck him he could at least lick and give pleasure to every inch of Justin's body that would respond. Brian reached into his pocket and pulled his cellphone out. Justin's lips attached to the spot below his ear and the blond sucked. Brian grabbed Justin's ass squeezing hard and he snapped his cellphone to his ear.

"What!" The word was bit out because Justin had gripped his cock while biting his ear.

"Boss….are you okay? you sound kinda…"

Brian bit back a gasp and Justin tugged on his ear with his teeth and ground his hand down into his hardening cock.

"I'm fine Cynthia, what do you want?"

Justin had moved on and was licking his way down Brian's neck to his shoulder swiping his tongue along the flesh and nibbling it.

"Boss we have a problem…a serious problem." It was then that Brian heard the screams in the background, a woman's screams, a very familiar mother's screams.

_Coming up on Breaking the Silence_

_Then it evaporated and he grabbed the front of Brian's shirt. Leaning down Brian caught their lips. He could feel Justin smile and it was infectious. Brian pulled back a minute later and moved behind Justin to push his chair, they were going to be alright._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Chapter 8**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 8

"Boss we have a problem…a serious problem." It was then that Brian heard the screams in the background, a woman's screams, a very familiar mother's screams.

"Cynthia even if it's a lie, tell me there aren't a pair of screaming dykes in the middle of my lobby." Justin's lips had stopped moving at his words and Brian wanted to cry in frustration. This wasn't fair.

"Ok, there are not a pair of dykes arguing in the middle of your lobby. There are a pair of dykes arguing in the middle of your hallway."

"That's not any better Cynthia-at least in the lobby they're easier to get out the door. Shove them into my office and let them duke it out." He was in a different state-he was not about to get in-between two fighting, screaming, bitching, dykes. He could only imagine what they were arguing about, probably money. Over the past 7 years he had pushed them together and fixed their problems. He had given them his parental rights and he had fixed their wedding. He had also given them money every month for their bills and for Gus. He had never complained a bit about the money but it was coming to a point where it was getting ridiculous.

He didn't mind helping Lindsay and Mel, but he had been pouring money into their pockets. Mel had to go to school in order to practice law and Lindsay had been having trouble finding a job. Eventually the trouble had passed but Brian was still giving them a lot. Once again he didn't mind doing it, Lindsay was his friend, Mel was the person she fucked and Gus was his son. JR was kind of his niece in a weird way as well.

No, it wasn't about the money. It was the fact that every time something went wrong in the relationship it seemed like he was the one who ended up getting yelled at. For some reason that Brian did not understand, the fact that he gave them money was the source of all their troubles. He was cussed out if he gave them money and cussed out if he didn't give them money. It was getting old. Usually though he was being screamed at over the phone, Lindsay and the bull-dyke weren't known for showing up at his office. They were supposed to be in Canada, land of the lumberjacks and maple leaves. There was going to be shit to deal with when he got back if they weren't gone. Please God, let them be gone. He loved Lindsay but she was not the most important blond in his life.

There was some noise from the other end of the phone and the screams faded. Brian hoped nothing was thrown at his computer-he liked his computer and his table. In fact he liked his office and the only one who was allowed to break things in it was him. Maybe he should have sent the girls into the art department-that place was already a disaster zone.

"Ok, they're in your office." Justin's breath was pushing against his skin and Brian felt hands trailing over his back.

"Good," Justin's lips pushed against his neck, the hot breath raising the hair on his skin.

"I'm sorry about that. Lindsay showed up first asking to see you and when she found out you weren't in she wanted the number to the hotel. Melanie showed up then and all hell broke loose. They started screaming and arguing."

"Sorry's bullshit Cynthia, just take care of it. When's the flight?"

There was a rustling sound, "Five, I'll be waiting at the airport to pick you up and I took care of the grocery situation before I came in this morning."

"Alright...and Cynthia?"

"Yes?"

"Make sure they don't break my computer." The phone was snapped shut and Justin pried it from his fingers placing it on the table. Brian raised an eyebrow at the blond as he felt Justin's fingers moving down his chest. "Justin, you're not getting me off so get the idea out of your head." Justin's hands froze and Brian felt more than saw the disappointment fill the blond's body. "Fuck Justin it's not like I don't want to fuck you. God I want to fuck you, but I'm not going to and I'm not going to get off from you when you can't." Justin pushed against his chest and Brian grabbed his wheelchair so that he could get into it. Justin was angry, and Brian knew it. He wasn't going to back down on this though, they could kiss and they could touch but if Justin couldn't get off he wasn't going to either. Brian wasn't sure of the exact reason, he just knew that he didn't want to get off without Justin cumming as well.

Maybe it was because if he came and Justin didn't he still felt like he was alone. It was like it could still just be his hand and that Justin wasn't there. How many times had he imagined that a trick was Justin, they couldn't be though because they could emulate the things that Justin did to his body, but they could never copy what Justin did when Brian touched him. They didn't know that if you tongued right behind Justin's ear that he would beg you to fuck him. They didn't know that if you pushed the center of Justin's back with your hand while fucking him from behind that Justin would push up into the hand and start rocking his hips faster. They didn't know any of the sounds that Justin would make or the way his hands would lock together around Brian.

Justin had wheeled himself to the balcony window and was staring out of it. Brian felt like he could see the thoughts racing through the blond's mind. It was usually never a good thing. "We need to go get you some clothes." Justin nodded sharply… yeah, Justin was pissed at him. Justin could just deal with it though.

Brian stood and slipped his shirt on before grabbing Justin's shirt and putting it in the blonds lap. "Get dressed Justin." Brian walked into the bedroom and grabbed his coats before slipping on his suit jacket. He threw the other one at Justin and the blond caught it before slipping it on. "Look can we do this after we're home?" Justin shot him a look that said 'I'm not the one with an issue.' Brian bit the inside of his cheek and grabbed his cellphone from the table. "Look we can argue about this when we get back to Britin." Justin seemed to think about it before he nodded and Brian saw the blond's fighting stance leave. Good he didn't need to be sniping at Justin and he didn't need Justin to have an attitude while they were going to be trying to deal with getting home. It was going to be hard enough as it was.

Brian opened the door to their room and Justin wheeled himself out of it, Brian wondered briefly how Justin had managed to get the door open for room service before spotting the button on the wall. It must be like the ones at the mall then. He slipped the door closed and saw that Justin hadn't moved more than three feet away from the edge of the doorframe. The hallway was empty and Brian moved toward the elevator, Justin following behind him closely. The blond was back to being his shadow. The elevator was silent when they entered it and silent when they left it. Brian moved toward the desk only to have a hand grab his own and Justin to pull him back. The blond was looking at him with a serious expression on his face. Then it evaporated and he grabbed the front of Brian's shirt. Leaning down Brian caught their lips. He could feel Justin smile and it was infectious; Brian pulled back a minute later, unable to help but respond to that smile with one of his own. He moved behind Justin to push his chair, they were going to be alright.

The hotel lobby counter loomed towards them and Brian nearly let out a sigh in relief when he saw an elderly woman behind the counter. The little shit from last night had hopefully took a long walk off of a short pier and was floating somewhere in the ocean. "Check out, room 301, Brian Kinney." He tugged his wallet from his pocket and handed the woman his credit card, "did you enjoy your stay?"

"It was fine," the card was passed back and Brian put it away.

"Thank you for staying with us." He nodded and was about to push Justin towards the car when he stopped.

"Where's the nearest mall?" Brian hated the mall. It was a place where evil dwelled behind every corner and cheap labels flourished, it was better than a Big Q though. It was also where Justin liked to get his clothes. Brian swore that he would convert the man to Prada and Armani one day.

"Oh, there's one on Franklin Avenue, you can't miss it." Another nod and Brian pushed Justin toward the car.

"Fucking hell," the cold wind ripped across Brian's face and he realized that it was snowing lightly. Just what he fucking needed; it better not stall the damn plane. He unlocked the beetle and the ritual that was getting Justin in and out of the car took place. Brian slid into the driver's seat and pushed the key into the ignition before cranking the heat up. Justin turned the radio on and Brian punched Franklin Street into the GPS, the arrival time popping up at 10 minutes.

Pulling out of the parking lot Brian cast a glance at Justin then turned his eyes back to the road. He still wasn't used to the silence, well not silence because there was this annoying sound coming from the car's speakers. An itch started in his throat and Brian made to reach into his pocket to grab a cigarette, his fingers groped air and he remembered Justin was wearing his coat.

"Get me a cigarette from the inner pocket," Justin looked at him then followed the orders; the mentioned object and a lighter being pushed into Brian's expectant palm. Rolling down the window slightly Brian lit the cancer stick before handing the lighter back. Sweet nicotine filled his lungs when he took a drag and some tension faded from his body. Glancing over to Justin again he saw the blond copying his actions, his eyes closed in bliss as he inhaled the smoke. He'd have to add smoking to the list of things Justin probably hadn't done in the past year. Sex, drawing and smoking; he was going to go out on a limb and add drinking.

It was when they began to near the mall that it struck Brian what a big mistake this was probably going to be. There were people littered around the streets despite it being a work-day and he knew that the inside of the mall was just going to be worse. It was getting close to Christmas and people were going to be rushing to find the perfect gift. Oh, it wouldn't be as bad as on the weekends for sure but it was most certainly going to be more crowded than usual. He needed to get Justin's prescription filled before they did anything else. Parallel parking Brian pulled into one of the spots for a drugstore.

"Justin, I'm going to run in and get your prescription filled," Justin started to undo his seatbelt and Brian shook his head., "I'll just be a few minutes and I'll come back after I've dropped it off inside." The blond bit his lip and started to shake his head and Brian wanted to sigh in frustration; he had to be patient. Justin was scared of leaving his side but it was only going to take him five minutes to run the prescription into the store. "Justin," Brian knew his tone was heavy with agitation and Justin seemed to shrink back slightly before the blond nodded in ascension. "Ok, I'll be right back," Brain reached into the backseat and grabbed his briefcase before opening it and looking in the folder for the prescription. He tossed the paper and pen into Justin's lap and exited the car hearing the locks click into place when he closed the door.

It didn't take him long to enter the building and hand over the prescription to the man behind the counter. Brian was distracted. Justin had locked the doors of the car when he had gotten out, that was new. Even after the bashing Justin had merely sat in the car whenever Brian had to run and do something. Now he was locking the doors. This wasn't Justin's usual anxiety, this was something completely different.

"It'll take about ten minutes to fill this, I just finished the last order when you came in." Giving a jerky nod he walked back out to the car. He stood there for a moment outside of his lover's view and just looked at him. Justin looked scared, his head kept turning as if he was looking for something and Brian knew that the man was holding the handle of the car in a death grip. Justin was safe inside of a locked car and he had the expression of an old-lady walking down the bad part of town in the middle of the night.

Brian moved before knocking on Justin's window, it was rolled down and he braced himself on the edge of the door. "You want something to drink to wash the pills down?" Justin nodded and Brian reached in to tap the paper. "Better write it down Justin, I'm not going to play the guess the beverage game." Justin scrambled a word down and Brian mentally noted that it said coke. Not the healthiest of beverage choices. A lurch in his gut reminded Brian that he hadn't eaten; maybe he could find a protein bar in the store. He moved toward the store and for a moment he tried to pretend that everything was normal. He couldn't though, he didn't know know if everything could be normal ever again.

Three Years Ago

Jason Hart was your average teenager, though perhaps teenager was an overstatement, he had turned 13 two months ago. He was old enough to realize though that the calm exterior that his parents were emitting was not good for him; especially considering the resentment that they had extruded when he had first told them that he was gay. This calm-it was disheartening. The tea that his parents had placed in front of him had gone cold and the biscuits laid untouched on their plate.

"We just want you to be safe you understand that don't you?" Jason shook his head and looked past his father to the open window. There was another man in the room, a smart tux adorned the man's body and he had what Jason supposed was supposed to be a comforting smile on his face.

"No, not really," the boy didn't really see what he was supposed to be kept safe from.

"These urges you've been having son, they're not natural," his mother's calming voice chimed into the conversation and the times when that same voice had gently sung him to sleep flashed in Jason's mind. He had always loved his mother's voice, it was lilted softly with an Irish accent. He wasn't ashamed to say that he took after her in looks. Bright green eyes framed by red hair had been his birthright for as long as he could remember.

He knew of course what urges they were talking about, it had been his own fault really that he had gotten caught. Kevin had supposedly locked the door, it was stupid of him not to check it.

"The school's made to help you squelch them and get back onto the path of righteousness." The stranger had sat there quietly until that point and Jason turned his gaze onto him.

"Righteousness?"

His mother nodded and for the first time in his life Jason wished that she wouldn't look at him with that soft look in her eyes, the look that had always been reserved for the times when he didn't understand something.

"The path to God," a chortling laugh left Jason's lips at the words and he stood shaking his head.

"I'm not going to listen to this shit."

"JASON!" His father's voice raged and a hand met the ginger's face snapping it to the side.

"Charles," the boy's mother was standing now and she gripped her husband's arm shaking her head.

"Anger won't get us anywhere, Jason go to your room. You'll be leaving tomorrow."

Jason licked the blood from the corner of his mouth and raced up the stairs tears filling his eyes. His father had hit him! Never before had his father laid a hand on him, of course never before had he cast curse words at the elder man. Slamming his door open he launched himself at his bed and pushed his face into the pillow trying to stifle his pain. He didn't understand why his parents were doing this. There wasn't anything wrong with him!

"Jas?" The soft voice from his doorway was the thing that made him breathe in deeply and push away the tears.

"Yeah midget?" A soft girl entered the room her bright green eyes examining him with all of the wisdom that a child of her age could hold.

Sitting up he brushed what tears that had fallen from his cheeks before offering a smile and patting his lap. The girl bounded forward and landed on his lap her arms coming up to wrap around his neck. "Mommy and Daddy are arguing."

He nodded and his arms came around the girl's waist one hand stroking her waist-length hair. "Yeah, sometimes adults do that." The girl nodded and she rested her head on her brother's shoulder.

Sighing he held her a bit tighter, he wasn't sure what was going to happen to him. "Listen Midget, I need to tell you something important ok?" She nodded against him and a small breath exhaled from his lips as he searched for the right words. "I may have to leave soon, but listen to me, I'll never leave you ok? No matter what Mom and Dad say, I love you and nothing will ever change that. I'll never forget about you and every night before I go to sleep I'll think about you ok?" She held onto him a bit tighter worry filling her small body.

"But-," she stopped and nodded. "I love you."

Jason bit his lip and pressed a kiss to his sister's temple. "I love you too."

_Coming up on Breaking the Silence_

_Brian glanced over the edge of his computer to watch Justin, the man was drawing quickly over the white sketchpad they had purchased. Sometimes Brian though that the only thing that Justin loved in this world was his art, then he remembered the picture that he kept in his closet. To Justin Brian was art._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Chapter 9**

Brian sighed, looking over at Justin. He was sleeping, the pills had knocked him out and they'd managed to get onto the flight with no major issues. His hand had moved of its own accord sometime during the flight, intertwining with Justin's. Justin was-he was scared, of everything and everyone, everything except for him. How ironic that they would be brought together again by a trauma that left Justin broken, only this time Brian didn't know what he was facing, because it wasn't the same.

Resting his head back, Brian let his eyes fall closed, his hand squeezing Justin's lightly and the sound of air in his ears from the plane.

One Year Ago

"Look, if you can't come, that's fine." Justin rolled over onto his side, sighing and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. They'd had this argument a million times. Yes, it sucked that Brian couldn't come to his gallery open. Yes, it hurt that sometimes Brian had to deal with shit while they were together. He was used to it though, God, they'd been doing this dance for how many years now? Brian's hand stroked his back, lips pushing to his shoulder and Justin shifted to rest on the bed. Sometimes Brian did that, made him forget everything when he touched him.

Groaning he shifted back, Brian's arms wrapping around his waist. They didn't want to fight, Justin had to be in New York tomorrow, Brian was supposed to be but couldn't make it this time.

They both knew arguing about it would be useless.

Brian's breath pressed against his ear and Justin shivered, pushing back, smiling softly. As much of an asshole as Brian could be, he loved him. Shifting to rest against him, he wrapped Brian's arm over his waist, slowly drifting off.

Lifting his arm up, Justin hailed the taxi. Brian was asleep upstairs, the moron had accidently taken a sleeping pill instead of a vitamin. Justin rolled his eyes, sometimes he wanted to just hit Brian over the head. The yellow taxi stopped and Justin slipped inside, rattling off the destination as someone else slid into the car.

"Airport please," Justin looked over at the other man as he spoke, shrugging, someone to split the fare with, not a big deal. Tapping his fingers on his knee he shifted, humming along as the mp3 player droned out the sounds of the car and its passengers, yawning he put his head on the window.

He felt sleepy.

Really…sleepy…

\- End Part One


	10. Part Two Chapter 1

**Chapter 10: Part Two Chapter One**

Reaching down, Justin locked his wheelchair, the sun's rays dancing across his hand from the windows of the atrium. They had arrived in Britin 14 days ago and ever since he couldn't shake the warmth of hope in his chest. A soundless sigh escaped, and he examined the waking skyline, Brian was worried. Naturally so. But for the first time, in a long time, Justin felt at peace, and although Brian nudged and hinted at him for the story of the last year, the man would have to rip it from him. He would rather be in a fucking wheelchair for the rest of his life than induce anymore of the self-deprecating hatred that Brian would unleash upon himself.

The doctor had come and gone with no one being the wiser, confirming the previous diagnosis. The only difference being his voice. He'd already known what the elderly fuck was going to say, that there was no medical reason for his voice to be gone, that they should consider allowing a forsaken shrink in to try and work through the trauma.

Like fuck he'd be around any god-damned shrink. Never again.

Justin rolled his shoulders, the persistent ache in his low back pushing him to raise his arms and extend his legs as far as possible, a soft pop welcoming the otherwise empty silence of the estate. Through jagged writing and blatant facial expressions, he had managed to kick Brian into going back to Kinnetic. The other man had finally relented when Justin had so eloquently brought up that it was only a matter of time before someone came looking for him. There was a distinctive downside to being alone in Britin, the silence. Both a curse and a blessing Justin couldn't decide whether he was grateful for his lack of voice and inability to destroy the resolute emptiness or the disturbed that he could hear a pen drop.

Shaking his head, he rolled his ankles, the bandages were gone but when he walked pain would race up his legs from the forming scar tissue. A small price to pay in the long run though. Reaching down he unlocked the wheelchair, making his way to the kitchen. If there was one thing to be said about the enormity of Britin's hallways, it was that they were very, very wheelchair friendly. Moving to the fridge he fished a bottle of water out, shaking his head at the fact that most everything was now conveniently placed so that he could reach it without standing.

Drink obtained he moved to the counter, white pill bottles racing across its surface. Muscle relaxer, antidepressant, and others forming a myriad cocktail. Brian's doctor had been more than happy to fill what felt like an entire prescription pad. Reaching for the antianxiety meds he popped open the tab, settling the required amount of tiny blue pills into his palm. Brian had tried to hand him his doses one day and in return had been met with a breakdown worthy of a Shakespearean theater. Replacing the bottle, he tossed the pills back chased by a sip of water. If Justin had his way there would be significantly fewer bottles on the counter.

The fridge hummed at him as he rolled past, making his way back to the atrium and the back patio. Whenever he got the chance, he relished being out underneath the sky, just breathing the air and the sensation of being unwatched. Finally slipping out of the glass door, Justin parked his chair next to the table, his sketchpad lying barren across the iron latticework. He hadn't been able to draw anything substantial yet, his hand shaking and pain racing through his fingers. A hauntingly familiar sensation, one that filled him with a sense of hopelessness, like drowning in the trenches of the ocean. Even if he couldn't draw though, the knowledge that he could try if he wanted to was…intoxicating. Turning his gaze back to the now fully risen sun, he settled in. The quiet soothing jagged edges of his mind.

-Brian

Brian tapped his fingers across the files on his desk, the clock on his computer, although digital seemed to be ticking at a snail's pace. He didn't give a rat's ass if someone thought he was distracted. He fucking was. There were very few things that he would leave work for, would leave his business in the hands of fucking Theodore and Cynthia for. One of them was recovering in what he hoped was the safety of Britin. Call it paranoia but he felt that every time he left the blond sleeping in their bed in the morning that he would come home to find the estate empty.

"I need those reports signed boss, not drummed to death." Cynthia dropped the sandwich onto his desk, her head tilting. She was smart enough to close the doors to his office, her sensible heels allowing her to tower slightly over the taller man, especially while he was sitting.

"They'll get signed, fuck, it's not like they're gonna walk away from my desk." Snatching the sandwich he eyed it critically. "The fuck is this?"

"A basic Italian meats, since you neglected to eat." She reached over sorting through the files, taking the ones he had been resilient enough to sign. "How is he doing?" Her voice softened as she tucked the files into the large black folder she had with her.

"Better, I guess." He sniffed the sandwich then chucked it into the bin beside his desk, like hell he was eating whatever that shit pretending to be food was.

"I've ordered the drawing tablet you requested, it should arrive tomorrow." He grunted at her statement, clicking his pen and flipping open a folder. "You should consider trying to get a specialist…" she trailed off as dark eyes snapped to her.

"In this case, fuck off." Brian growled the words, scrawling his signature across the page. Opening another folder he rolled his eyes. "Well, leave." Shaking his hand at her he turned back to the file, ignoring the concerned look he was certain she was gracing him with as she left. As the door closed he leaned back in his chair, the pen resting uselessly on the file he had opened.

He knew damn well that Justin probably needed help beyond his capabilities, hell he fucking hated shrinks as much as the next person, probably more so, but this…this was something else. He was trying to be patient and understanding, not really his best traits if he was to be honest. The doctor had been clear though, this wasn't something to rush. Running a hand through his hair he let his head fall back. The physician had said that other than some weird-ass drug cocktail in Justin's system the artist was, besides the obvious injures, physically fine, perhaps a bit thin, so all that was left was mental.

Mental was a fuck-ton harder to fix than changing bandages every couple of days and resting in a spare bedroom on the first floor instead of theirs on the second. Gods he needed a smoke. Rubbing his tired eyes he let his head loll forward and straight. "Fucking useless." Gathering the folders he pushed them into a pile then into his briefcase, he could finish this shit at home.

Grabbing his coat, he stood, ignoring the slight crick in his neck, making his way toward the exit and to Justin.

-Justin 7 Months ago

It was cold, colder than the bricks of the alley digging into his ass during a blowjob in the middle of winter. Shaking he bit down onto his lip, he'd long given up trying to break free from the tarp covering the tub. Next to him, the younger boy who was joining him during his treatment was knocked out, the lithe body shaking, lips blue. Lucky Prick. Wrestling the jerking in his feet Justin snarled softly. Fucking medieval fuckers. He could feel his bones creak, his body desperately trying to invigorate itself to raise his body temperature back up. His caretakers would take care of that need soon enough.

He couldn't be sure how long he'd been in this hellhole, trapped by demented fucks worse than the see the light group, horrifically worse, who the fuck ran this place Nurse Ratchet? He'd heard about this kind of shit in ethics classes and on the web, shit that was for the most part outlawed. Conversion therapies…what a joke. As if you could change whether you wanted to lick cunt or suck cock. His body rattled and a litany that was sure to make Debbie blush escaped. Clenching his fists he bit down on his lip, the blood disturbingly hot against his skin. So far he hadn't seen any chance to escape, walked to and from every treatment with not a single god-forsaken window in sight. He would though, it was only a matter of time. The water started to heat up around him as half of him wanted to sob in relief the other half in horror. Pain danced across his nerves, his body dumping sodium into the muscles as they clenched and unclenched.

Steam slowly rose from the tubs, filling the room and the boy next to him groaned, eyes fluttering open then came the screams. Clenching his own eyes shut Justin tried to block them out, the kid couldn't be older than 15, it wasn't the first time they'd been partnered for this particular therapy activity. The kid was pleading next to him, hopeless sobs ricocheting off of the tiles. Worse than anything else was the way the kid would beg, tell them that he'd be good and change. Fuck. He was just a kid. One time Justin had gotten loose during the transfer, had broken a chaperone's nose, and had just grabbed the other boy, trying to drag him to what he thought was the stairwell. The kid had just dropped to the ground, dragging Justin with him, curled into a ball, sobbing and broken.

Justin had been put into "solitary", that was the last time he thought of helping anyone in this hellhole but himself. The water began to scald his skin and he held back his own scream, he knew they wouldn't leave burns, they'd perfected this art. His companion's cries cut out and Justin knew he was out again.

Lucky fucker.

End Chapter One


	11. Part Two Chapter 2

**Chapter 11: Part Two Chapter Two**

Part Two, Chapter Two

Arguing with people had always come easily to Brian, perhaps it was a skill he'd developed after watching his parents scream, or maybe it was a skill that was borne into him innately. Whatever its source, he had never had any qualms with picking someone apart with a few well-chosen words. It wasn't nearly as fun though when it was -his- sunshine he was battling, especially when the only responses he got were angrily scribbled words or mouthed fuck yous. The blond was, in his opinion, a shadow of his former self. Through persistence Brian had been driven back to his desk by the younger man, though he had a feeling that was mostly so that the other could retreat inside of himself. He couldn't name nor count the hours that he had watched the thin-framed artist sitting quietly outside, something that made his own hair stand on edge. Justin had always been nosy, even when he was drawing, small sighs and grunts would escape, his mouth hanging open, tongue sometimes pressed between slightly under bitten teeth.

Crossing his arms, the Ad executive leaned against the entryway to the atrium, his shoes abandoned somewhere in the foyer with his jacket. To be quite honest he felt like ever since he had found Justin he was still searching for him. At first, the lithe figure had clung to him, once they had arrived at Britin though, that had changed. The panic was still there, of that there was no doubt, the small scars on his arm from where Justin had clawed at him from a nightmare were a strong reminder. His eyes flicked down the marks then back to the once unscarred man on the patio. If he hadn't taken the boy home that night, how much different would their lives have been? Would Justin have found some nice twink and gotten married, attended Dartmouth, and given up his art? Shaking the thoughts from his head, Brian trailed too dark eyes across the rolling shoulders of his partner. It was only when he realized that blue eyes were cast toward him that he inherited his trademark smirk, strolling toward the patio, slipping out of the glass doors.

"You trying to freeze your dick off?" Sliding a hand down he cupped the back of Justin's neck, unsurprised by the chill that met his fingers, the veins long since constricted in a futile attempt to maintain body heat.

'Maybe,' Justin mouthed the word, rolling his eyes, fingers lacing in the Armani pants of Brian's suit. 'You were staring again.' The blond's lips formed the words slowly, knowing the older male could read them if he tried hard enough.

"Admiring your wish to become a fucking icicle more like." Brian leaned catching the chair's break in his hand, unlocking it. "Come inside."

Smirking slightly, Justin let himself be wheeled into the heat of the house, his fingers and toes cramping slightly. He wasn't exactly sure how long he had been outside; at one point he had tried to sketch only to have his hand cramp so hard that he'd nearly torn the page he was working on and a choked sob had escaped. He'd never admit it though. Reaching back, he tapped Brian's hands away from the chair turning it to face him. 'Home early.' Justin raised a brow, reaching forward, tangling his fingers in Justin's tie.

"I'm, despite my instincts, trusting them all not to fuck up for now." Brian leaned forward at the slight tugging, catching Justin's lips, sucking slowly on the bottom one then biting it gently, a small pool of heat gathering in his stomach. Justin hadn't really shown any interest in their more…strenuous activities since they'd gotten back. The wheelchair locked with a small click and soon Justin wrapped his arm around Brian's shoulders, using the man as leverage to stand.

A small hiss escaped from Justin's lips, spilling between them and Brian hooked his arm around Justin's weight supporting him. "You got this?" Brian gave the smaller male's hip a squeeze, fingers clutching around the crest of his iliac, his question met with a small raise of the blond's eyebrow then a waggle. Leaning forward Justin caught Brian's lips again, tongues clashing as he raised onto the balls of his feet, the arches throbbing with his movement. Like hell, he would stop though.

Justin's mouth moved, seeking new territory, stubble scratching his lips as he traced the jawline he had dreamed about for a year. Brian's free hand moved to his ass, squeezing and kneading the crease where the bottom curve of his cheek met his thigh. Letting his head fall to the side in offering Brian groaned, squeezing harder when teeth nipped his skin. "Knew I'd find a kinky side someday," A soundless chuckle vibrated against his skin in response to the tease, another nip echoing the first.

'Pervert,' mouthing the word Justin worked on the side of Brian's neck, unsurprised when the elder man hitched him up, beckoning the blonde's legs to wrap around his waist.

"You love it," chuckling Brian moved toward the living room, easing down onto the couch, trying to ignore the press of his cock against the biting teeth of his zipper. He'd been amazingly patient by his own standards, a determination not to push Justin and the fact that he actually did have self-control, despite the popular beliefs of the entirely of Liberty Avenue.

Justin pulled back, sliding a hand between their hips, 'Maybe.' Deft fingers dived into the once pristinely pressed pants and Brian settled back against the couch, hips bucking in gentle encouragement. He'd been truly hesitant at the first thought of letting Justin get him off with no reciprocation, but after a meeting with his silver-haired non-therapist he had made the decision to relent. It had been made clear that whatever trauma Justin had endured had "robbed him of a sense of power" or some shit, in the shortest terms the advice given had been not to push too hard until he knew more and let Justin lead. Something about CPTSD had been mentioned, complex trauma responses. The MD who had done the makeup for them had cleared Justin for activities as well, stating that the blonde's libido and erection would come back with time.

A sharp bite on his collarbone drew Brian back into the moment, his hand sliding under Justin's sweatpants in response, trailing along the enticing cleft. Precum spread along Justin's fingers and palm, slicking it, soft pants echoing in the air between them. "Missed this, fuck." Brian slid his hand deeper, rubbing under the base of Justin's sacs.

'Missed you,' Justin mouthed the words along the curve of Brian's shoulder, having worked the dress shirt open and off slightly. The silent words were lost to Brian, the man bucking harder into the willing palm. The artist's fingers moved faster, a slight desperation to them, his own hips rocking against Brian's manipulations, even if his cock was remaining stubbornly flaccid.

A groan echoed and Justin drank in the sight of Brian's cum spraying across his stomach, fingers dragging until the older man panted between him and his cock gave a small twitch fluid lazily leaking from the head.

"Wonder who taught you that?" Chuckling Brian leaned forward, sucking on the curve of Justin's neck, ignoring the indignant slap to his shoulder.

'Dick,' missing the comeback Brian pulled his hand from Justin's shorts, dragging the blond against himself, scratching his nails gently through the short buzzed artist's hair. Silence filled the space between them, both content with their position. Time slipped away and slowly Brian pushed the Blonde back, as much as he enjoyed having Justin to himself he needed to face the fact that whatever had happed to his lover might be beyond his skills of healing. He was already distracted And how long did he really think it would be before they noticed something was different. It would be better if he could at least tell Jennifer, convincing Justin of that was another story completely.

_The two times Brian had mentioned telling someone that Justin had been found the blonde had flipped, had a full-blown panic attack, and had refused to communicate with him for the rest of the day. Still, there was something to be said for perseverance. "You know your mom and the others would be overjoyed to know you're alive." Justin sighed against his neck, blue eyes hardening, lithe body slipping toward the other cushion of the couch only to be halted by an iron grip. "Don't give me that," moving so that he could meet Justin's eyes Brian cupped the back of his head haltingly. "It's been two weeks sunshine. Justin huffed, pulling away slightly, only mildly surprised when Brian relented and let him move to the other spot and draw his knees up. "You could at least give me a reason, or walk, well wheel around naked if you're never going to have company."_

'Too loud,' Justin mouthed the words slowly, almost hesitant to convey them, his damaged hand picked at the edge of the couch.

"You wanna elaborate?" Brian plucked a notepad from the table, a staple in every room of the house, edging it across the couch. He could never be accused of oversharing his emotions, burying them behind drugs, booze, and sex the blond had usually been the opposite though.

Jaggedly scrawling some words Justin paused, tongue in his teeth then wrote a few more, turning it to the brunette's gaze.

_They'll ask too many questions. Mom will be worried and push to help. Debbie will be the same. Emmett probably wouldn't push, but he'd try to comfort me and I don't need that. Mostly though, I don't want to talk about what happened. I just want to forget._

Brian read the response once, then twice. He'd had a feeling that was what the blond was trying to do, whatever had happened though, he wasn't sure forgetting was the answer. He could certainly sympathize, how many times had he wished he could forget the crack of a baseball bat or the crunch of fingers under a winter boot? In the end though, you could never forget, it stayed with you forever, a jagged crack in the glass that couldn't be fixed.

Justin turned the notebook back to himself, scrawling again, refusing to meet Brian's eyes, the blue irises and pupils fixed at some point over the unused fireplace.

_'Can't we just…stay like this. Just for now?'_

Sighing, Brian ran his hand through his hair, the kid was going to make him go gray, not that he hadn't spotted one hair already, a fact that he would adamantly deny. The way Justin was curling in on himself though, the harrowed look, the distance he could feel growing by the second though, couldn't be ignored. If he forced the issue, he ran the risk of Justin running from him, maybe not physically, but emotionally. He'd already walked that path in their relationship, it never ended well. Relenting, at least for now, seemed like the only option, though it was a shitty one.

"For now." Justin perked at Brian's relenting words, shifting to lean against him. The silent and unmouthed thank you, hanging between them. Justin laced his fingers around Brian's wrist, resting his head against him, then slowly drifted.

"What am I gonna do with you, sonny boy?" Shifting Brian lifted Justin into his arms, moving them to the bedroom, his footsteps echoing in the hall of Britin. Justin shifted against him, instinctively curling into the warmth then into Brian's pillow as he was deposited on the bed. Pausing, Brian sat on the bed, taking the moment to examine the still too-thin frame before him. He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing, at first he'd been fine with the isolation, but there was something…off about Justin. Once more he was haunted by the feeling that some part of Justin had been left wherever the man had been.

It wasn't the first time he'd been called on to help Justin heal, hell Justin had helped him more than once too. This though…this was different. When he had suffered from nightmares from Hobbs, he'd always been able to tell Brian, to confide in him. Now there were nights where Justin would wake up fighting, kicking in a wordless scream, eyes wide with terror, clawing and biting at the air. Other times Brian would wake up to find the blond had somehow managed to leave their bed and make his way to the atrium. He would find him staring, the only light from the moon or stars, breathing shallow, yet still somehow deep. Frozen as if one of the statues from the Pittsburgh museum had taken his place. Those times scared Brian more than the nightmares.

One time he had approached Justin only to have the artist stare through him for a good minute before the focus came back into those blue eyes and he had been acknowledged. Swallowing Brian stood, discarding his shirt. Not for the first time, he wondered if he was in over his head. What Justin needed, perhaps more than Brian's support was professional help. Brian could hire someone easily, hell there was even telehealth nowadays, he could have someone see Justin without ever inviting them to Britin or making Justin leave the house. The main issue, besides the fact that whoever he hired could turn around and do something stupid like baker act the blond, was getting said former twink to agree to see someone.

Justin had been terrified when the MD had mentioned seeing someone for his trauma. Brian's hand had been bruised by the death grip and every muscle in the wheel-chair bound man's neck had looked as if it was going to burst from the strain of being activated.

No, Brian was just going to have to sort this out himself, even if it did mean getting solicited advice from a shrink in the baths, a man who luckily enough didn't care enough to spread around gossip about Brian, especially if he was going to get a hand job out of the deal. Stretching he moved toward the kitchen, searching for a bottle of water and a bottle of aspirin. Digging through a cabinet, he found the bottle, popping more than the recommended dose then washing them down.

His cell broke the silence and he resisted the urge to ignore the device, checking the id before snapping it open.

"What?" Pressing his forefinger and thumb to the bridge of his nose he tried in vain to stave off the headache building behind his eyes.

"You're supposed to be meeting with the owners of Clydesdale Sports at five boss." Cynthia's nails could be heard clacking away at a keyboard and Brian resisted the urge to drop the phone into the garbage disposal.

"The meeting is on Tuesday." He pushed his fingers harder, blood pounding behind his eyes.

"Today is Tuesday." Cynthia paused and Brian could practically feel her biting her lip, "do you want me to reschedule them?"

Brian paused, weighing his words then shook his head, "Stall them, buy dinner or some shit, I'm on my way." Snapping the phone closed he moved back to the bedroom, quickly penning a note, casting one last glance at his partner's sleeping figure then turning away, balancing on the tightrope of his responsibilities.

_Darkness, closing in, cloying and all-consuming. Fighting the urge to scream Justin felt his breath quicken, heart race, and baroreceptors scream at the increase. Hands were holding him down, biting so hard into his flesh he could feel the bones crack. "Just admit it." No! Struggling harder he arched his body, back feeling as if it would snap. Nausea wrung through his body, like a wet towel being squeezed and vaguely he realized he had vomited, thick and vile bile and acid burning his cheek, dripping into his nose. "It will be easier if you just cooperate." Silence. That was his only option. More bile and vaguely he realized he was sobbing. He just wanted them to leave him alone. He couldn't give them what he wanted. A forest opened in front of him, sticks and sharp rocks cutting open his feet. He couldn't stop running though if he did it would all be over. It would all be for nothing. Dead eyes staring at him, blood dripping down his hands. He had to keep running._

_The forest grew in front of him, trees snatching at his clothes and hair. Trying to stop him. "You need to stop, haven't you done enough damage to yourself?" He tripped, falling forever until somehow, he was climbing, a rug slipping out from under him, razors cutting against his back as he fell again, pinning him to the earth and sky. "If you don't participate it'll make it worse." Silent screams echoing in his head, more bile spilling down his face to coat his stomach. A sick sweat and cloying evil sweet scent that he could never escape from._

Clawing at the pillow Justin's eyes snapped open, hot fluid painting his skin and the sheets. A desperate sob escaped as he rolled away from his vomit, adrenaline sitting hot in his stomach, a sensation that never fully went away. Shakily breathing he tried to focus. He was safe. He was in Britin. He was safe. He was in Britin. He was safe. He was in Britin. Over and over, he repeated the words in his head. Hands shaking with the need of fight or fight. He wasn't sure how much time passed before the room slid into proper focus, the only sound the rattle of the heater. Darkness invaded the room and he reached, flicking the light on, eyeing the note, trying to deny the grateful feeling growing that Brian hadn't bore witness to his latest nightmare, even as it churned with the need to curl against the man and deny his fears.

Standing, he battled for a moment with the pain shooting up his legs before he ripped the covers from the bed, grateful that the sick hadn't managed to sink through the covers yet. Balling them he moved to the hamper slowly, tossing them, only vaguely realizing he had not the slightest clue where spare sheets were. It could wait though.

Turning to the shower he stripped then turned the knobs, resting gratefully on the shower chair. Steam filled the stall, fogging the glass, rolling over his body, shrouding him in a cloak of heat.

_"Just admit it."_ Covering his ears Justin tried to block out the voice embedded into his mind, trying to ignore the tears pressing against his ducts _. "Just give in."_ Bile spit into his throat and Justin couldn't stop it from spilling over his chin, sobs finally breaking through, silent and wrenching, his body wracking in the silence of the bathroom only broken by the hiss of the shower. At some point he felt arms hook around him, dragging him against a firm chest.

"Breathe," Brian's voice cut through the echoes and hallowed eyes closed, Justin clinging to him. Shifting, the taller man maneuvered them so that he was sitting on the chair, Justin perched in his lap, the water soaking through his shirt and dress pants. "Justin, You've gotta breathe." More sobs wracked the space between them, silent except for exhales. Brian could feel the bruises forming from the blond's fingers clutching at him and he squeezed the man gently. "Breathe."

Slowly the sobs died down, Justin's breath hitching and halting before finally steading, his eyes closing, body drifting, leaving the silence between them.


	12. Part Two Chapter 3

**Chapter 12: Part Two Chapter Three**

Brian had known something was wrong from the moment he'd stepped in the door. He wasn't one to believe in a sixth sense, but the feeling of what could only be described as wrongness had filled him. When he had made his way to their bedroom, the scent of sickness had met him, the sound of the shower echoing in. He wished he could have been surprised to find Justin sobbing, just as he wished he was surprised to see the bundled sheets covered in vomit. He had held the blonde, suit clinging from the soak of the showerhead, but that had been last night.

Peering over the cup of coffee, Brian did his best to display a casual glance of indifference. Justin had been stabbing at the eggs on his plate for ten minutes now, shifting the crumbled yellow blobs back and forth as if they had done something deserving of his ire. A one bite eaten piece of toast decorated the corner of his plate as if to scream that its owner had in fact eaten something. "You want to work on walking today?" Brian offered the question as a brokering of peace, after settling Justin on the bed last night he had stripped and covered them both with a throw only to wake up to an empty bed, the artist refusing to meet his eyes through breakfast.

'Sure,' Justin mouthed the word, then finally dipped his fork into the egg, taking a bite. Nodding Brian took a sip from his long cold coffee, grimacing at the taste. He'd have to make a house call to a certain non-therapist today, if Justin wouldn't talk about the issues then maybe there was another option.

"The computer should come today," Brian stood, dumping his coffee into the sink, rinsing the cup. "Someone in the art department was raving about the new system." The scrape of the fork on the plate was the only response. Biting back frustration Brian accepted the fact that Justin was in a black mood, a mood where nothing would truly be productive, and an uphill climb filled with stumbles was the only option.

Justin's wheelchair squeaked slightly as he stopped it next to Brian, handing the plate to him, the counter in reach, but still slightly awkward. 'Sorry, about last night.' Brian read his lips, a head shake his first response. "You've got nothing to be sorry to me about, you might want to apologize to the sheets though." Justin cracked a smile, easing the pinch in Brian's stomach slightly.

'Whatever,' a light smile still catching his lips, Justin wheeled toward the living room, Brian's stomach giving a light lurch.

Finishing what he was doing the executive soon followed, pausing to watch Justin unsteadily standing from the wheelchair, his face twisted in concentration. For the moment he stood back, merely watching, taking in the unsteady shake of Justin's knee and the rhythmical clenching of his hands that followed each one.

Years ago Justin had been more than willing to accept his help, but as he'd grown from the scared twink that had come all over Brian's duvet into the best homosexual he could be, he had steadily refused Brian's help more and more. Though perhaps that had grown not only from independence but from a too through reading of the Brian Kinney handbook. There was only so much help the blonde could refuse now though, especially since besides being alone in Britin, it seemed that if Brian wasn't next to him, panic attacks struck the artist.

Catching the too harsh jerk of Justin's knee Brian reached, catching the other male's arm, drawing him close, arm moving to his waist. Pretending not to see the frustration he helped Justin across the room, the doctor had sent a memo saying that the scar tissue would have to be exercised and stretched out, basically retrained to not dig against the nerve beds so harshly. 'Fuck this,' Justin's lips snatched the phrase his teeth gritting as he leaned further into Brian.

Catching the mouthed words Brian smirked, kneading Justin's hip. "Now, now, however are you going to shake your ass and strip if we don't practice." Rolling his eyes Justin slapped the brunette's well-formed shoulder, then smirked, rolling his hips in a small swivel. Brian tightened his fingers slightly then pulled back, slowly lifting his shirt. "Or maybe you just need -proper- motivation." Reaching forward Justin took a step, sliding a hand toward Brian's exposed abdomen, only to have the elder male take another step away when his fingers brushed.

Grinning, Justin shakily chased after the other man, eyes roaming over the smooth pectorals and divets of his abdominals. Even after all the years, they'd been together, there was still a blossom of heat inside Justin's gut when he took Brian in, his fingers still twitched to draw him, just as badly as they had the first time he'd taken advantage of the man's unguarded sleeping form to capture him on paper. Taking another unsteady step forward, Justin ignored the slight nausea creeping in from his arousal.

Part of him wanted to tell Brian everything, a bigger part of him though, just wanted to forget, wanted to bury it so deep that it couldn't be dug out even if given a thousand years. Finally ceasing their game, Justin chuckled soundlessly, his hand sliding under the waistband of Brian's pants, not moving further than to dip his fingers in.

"Amazing what the right motivation will do huh?" Brian slid a hand down the back of Justin's head, cupping his neck, catching his lips. Arms wrapped around Brian's neck and a soft hum echoed in return of the gesture. Pressing forward Justin flushed their bodies, the nausea rising harder in the back of his gut. A ringing filled the space around them, and Brian pulled back, groaning, and opening his phone, hand still wrapped firmly around the back of Justin's neck. "Yeah, I know, I'll be there, though you seem to forget who the fucking boss is," snapping the phone closed, Brian pressed another kiss to Justin's neck, worrying the skin slightly with his teeth before pulling back.

"Now try to be a good boy while I'm away," Brian teased, giving Justin's ass a squeeze, reading the whatever in the man's responsive eyeroll. Moving toward the bedroom to slip into his suit, Brian missed the way Justin collapsed into the wheelchair, his hands shaking, lip nearly pierced by sharp canines, the blond rolling his way to the atrium and patio, donning his jacket and shoes, eyes beginning to glaze in a distorted unawareness.

The world slipped back into focus and Justin glanced toward the clock perched inside of the house, visible behind the glass panels of the room. He had known time was passing, had known when the cold had seeped past his jacket and the sun shifted the shadows around him, it was like watching a movie though or breathing through water. Swallowing he reached toward the ever-present pad of paper on the table, grabbing at the pencil. As ungrateful as he knew he appeared, he was thankful Brian had thought to order him a new computer, god only knew where his belongings were, his roommate hadn't been the best of people.

Slowly decorating the paper with graphite Justin felt the old familiar sensation of losing himself in his art sink into his bones. It was different from the way he had lost himself earlier, the difference between suffocating and breathing. All too familiar eyes filled the page, different gazes littering them, one set haunted, another lit with mirth, and the last ones cold and blank. Justin slowly filled the page, until he couldn't last more than a few seconds before shaking out his hand. It had been awkward to draw for the first few days, the nail bed pushing back awkwardly from its missing occupant. He'd managed to adjust quickly though and now he honestly barely noticed. Pulling his hand away from the page he let his head fall back.

Hopefully, once he had his ability to do digital art back he'd be able to draw something else, deep down though he had the creeping suspicion that all that would follow the arrival of the computer was more sketches of blank and dead eyes staring accusatorily at him, right in their persecution. The world drifted again, blessedly far away.

"It'd be better if I could examine him, secondhand accounts aren't always accurate."

Brian waved off the statement, taking a sip of his beer. "I'm telling you, it'll make things worse." The therapist cast a look of discontent toward the flippant man, his purple-tinged hair spiked toward the ceiling of Woodys.

"And you got your degree from?" Taking a sip of his own beer the therapist leaned forward.

"The Kinney School of hard knocks, now do you have any advice or was that hand job for nothing?" Brian's drawl dripped sarcasm as he rolled the condensation-covered bottle between his palms.

"Sounds like dissociation," Relenting the therapist leaned toward Kinney, knowing that the man would have a much firmer grip on his balls than he had earlier if anyone overheard them. "In extreme cases, people lose memories or even start to believe that the world around them is a fantasy, or that they are. In mild cases…it's been described as an out-of-body experience, think of a really extreme daydream and you have your basics."

"So…what am I supposed to do?" Brian let the bottle escape his fingers, hands folding into his pocket for a cigarette. "Shake him every time I find him blanked out?"

Huffing the therapist finished his own beer, "Depends on what's happening with the dissociation honestly, if it's extreme…well I told you I needed to examine him."

"Not gonna happen, so onto plan B, what do I do when he blanks the fuck out?" Brian's words bit and the dyed man drew back slightly, raising a hand in surrender.

"The best thing is to remind him of where he is and provide physical sensations, drinking tart things, running his fingers over different surfaces, smelling oils, hell even putting a teaspoon of salt can help, you can do the same thing for his panic attacks. Though I imagine the panic meds help with that, though they might not be helping the disassociation much." Brian grunted in response, finally fingering the cigarette to his mouth, lighting it, taking a too deep inhalation. "Whatever happened though, this isn't going to get better until he talks about it and deals with it."

Snorting Brian tapped his ashes, "it would help if he fucking spoke." The therapist winced, crossing his hands and fingers.

"I guess that's the first challenge then, though written word would help too, if his lack of speech is psychological then there's a chance that it has to deal with his dissociation. Not speaking might be a way of separating himself from whatever circumstances he's dealing with. CPTSD is difficult to handle even with a willing client and experienced therapist."

Leaning back Brian took another drag from the cancer stick, letting the smoke drift out of his mouth to fill the space between them. "So basically, unless I can get him to own up to the last year, its fucked?"

"Pretty much," the therapist shrugged then glanced toward his wristwatch. "I've got to go, think about trying to get him to see someone or at least working on getting someone to wherever he is. You don't want to push to hard with these cases, but sometimes a little brunt force is needed."

Not deeming a response Brian watched the man slip out of Woodys, a few moments later he snuffed the cigarette. He needed to get to Kinnetic for a meeting and afterward try to figure out how the fuck he was supposed to get someone as stubborn as he was to bend. Luckily, he had some experience with bending Justin, in more ways than one.

_"My mother's favorite flowers are sunflowers." The kid was looking at him, blood dripping down the white collar of his shirt. "I'd always wanted to plant them, but dad said something about the soil being wrong." Justin flinched, his body frozen as the maggot-coated hand covered his own, small worms dipping in and out of decayed flesh. "Do you think they put them on my grave marker?" Justin tried to jerk back the IV in his arm shifting in his vein, ripping the delicate tunica's sending spasms down his arm._

_"Not real." Justin murmured the words, eyes squeezing shut, nausea ripping through his body._

_"No, but that doesn't matter does it?" A wet kiss was pressed to the blonde's cheek, an ungodly scent consuming his senses, the hand was gripping his own harder, bones creaking from the pressure. "You're still going to carry me."_

_"You're not fucking real." Justin snapped the words, falling backward out of the chair, his head smashing against the wet grass, the sky an endless pool of ink around him, dripping down to coat his hands. The boy kneeled above him, ink spilling from the split in his temple._

_"Thought we had already decided that didn't matter," The boy grinned, ink dripping out from between his teeth to spill down his chin. Ink was creeping up Justin's legs, and he scrambled back, the iv in his arm ripping again. It pulled free and ink sputtered across the blonde's face. Hurriedly he wiped it away, blood smearing across his fingers._

_"You can't run Justin unless of course, you wake up."_

"Justin. Wake up." Blue eyes snapped open, a hand coming to claw at the one gripping his shoulder, panic heavy in Justin's throat as the world slipped into focus.

Brian gripped the wrist of the aggressive hand, brow furrowed. "You were sleeping. It was just a dream." Trying not to let the concern show, Brian moved Justin's hand down, taking the time to drift his fingers along the artist's damaged hand. "You really shouldn't sleep out here." Nodding Justin gave a shaky smile, lacing their fingers for a moment then pulling away. The sun was creeping toward the edge of the horizon, he must have slept for an hour or so at least. Unlocking the wheelchair, he nudged Brian back, pulling away from the table.

"You get some drawing done?" Brian reached for the notebook, hiding his surprise as Justin grabbed it, tucking it into his own lap, shrugging in response.

'A little.' Justin mouthed the words, wheeling toward the kitchen and the smell of Thai food. Brian followed him, watching the tension in Justin's shoulders trail into his neck, the artery beating with enough pressure that he could count the pulses. Later. He promised the word to himself silently. Later he would look at the secrets on those pages and find answers, or perhaps just more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Fic is now up to date with the crossposting on FFNET. 
> 
> My goal is to update every week but go no longer than 2-3 weeks between postings. Thank you for reading, please review and have a great one. See ya next time!


	13. Part Two Chaper 4

Eyes. Justin was drawing, of all things, eyes, over and over. Brian leaned back into his chair, his recent discovery doing nothing to abate his concerns or answer his questions. Justin’s nightmares, if possible, were getting worse. Another week had passed and still, the blonde stubbornly refused to communicate anything about the last year. Anytime Brian brought it up the artist clammed up tighter than a straight man’s ass in a gay locker room. The only positive thing of note was that Justin was now walking, albeit with a cane, on a regular basis. Oh, he still winced and tried to hide the way his knees would shake, but Brian could see that old familiar flame of determination and resilience in his lover’s eyes growing steadily.

The PDF document on his computer blinked at him in accusation before bouncing to his screensaver and Brian turned back to the latest proposal with a half-hearted shake of the mouse. He truly needed to work but the words and numbers bouncing across the document blurred and swam in front of his eyes. It was late, the only light coming from the inset lights in his office and strategically placed lamps, driving back and forth every day was draining him. The commute was harsher than normal, brought on by Justin’s needs and the havoc it wrought on Brian’s schedule. Giving up Brian closed the document, grabbing his jacket and shutting down the computer with a few decisive clicks of the mouse.

The offices of Kinnetic drifted from his view as he slipped into the vette, pulling out onto the snow drifted road. A joint soon found its way between his lips and the tension that had strained the erectors of his neck melted ever so slightly with the first inhale of the illegal herb. The miles passed behind him, silence consuming the space in the luxury car. Long before he reached the doors of Britin the butt of the joint had been tossed outside of the car, the scent still clinging to him when he opened the doors.

Brian kicked off his shoes, rolling his shoulders as he stripped his tie from around his neck, his belt and jacket following, haphazardly clutched. Poking his head into the bedroom, he raised a brow at the empty bed but paused to lay his suit jacket and tie down before continuing his search. Slipping into the kitchen he stopped, Justin was at the table, rolling a beer between his hands.

“Growing boys need a full nights rest you know.” Making his way to the haunted blonde he plucked the beer from the man’s grasp, taking a swig. Justin cast him an incredulous look then inhaled, pausing then holding out his hand, raising a brow.

“Mixing drugs, my what a rebel we are.” Reaching into his pocket Brian slipped out a baggie, handing it over to Justin, taking a seat next to him as the blond fiddled with the bag then reached into Brian’s pocket, fetching the lighter. “Needy fucker.” There was no heat to the words and Justin stuck out his tongue in response to the tease, quickly lighting the joint.

Rolling the too warm beer over his tongue Brian watched his partner with keen eyes, taking in the way Justin seemed to visibly relax at the banter. “What are you doing up, bad dream?”

Justin shook his head at the question then leaned forward, pressing their lips together, slowly exhaling the smoke into Brian’s mouth. His empty hand came up to wrap in the short hairs at the nape of Brian’s neck, pulling back then pausing, pressing their foreheads together. Feeling the shift of the air between them, Brian set the beer down, hand coming to rest on Justin’s thigh, fingers tightening slowly over the cotton sweatpants.

_‘You’re the one he trusts,’_ the words echoed in Brian’s ears, Momma Taylor’s ghost haunting him.

Justin shook, the tidal volume of his breathing jagged and unrefined, swallowing he pulled back and took another deep hit from the joint before tucking it against the ashtray. Moving a pad of paper between then he tapped it, motioning for Brian to read it.

‘I want to talk about it.’ The ink was dark, as if Justin had pushed himself into writing the words, the artist flipped open his sketchpad tapping it.

Brian exhaled slowly, adrenaline flooding into his system, he’d waited almost a month for Justin to confide in him. Looking at the tapped upon image he resisted the urge to inhale against his teeth. Justin had drawn violent art before, hell, most of his art after the bashing had been violent and some of the things he had drawn for Rage were borderline grotesque after he joined the pink posse. This was different though, this was realism.

Cold eyes stared at Brian from the page, a teenager’s body twisted into an unnatural position, head twisted so that it was almost faced the wrong way. The boy’s left arm was snapped, bone piercing the flesh, captured with such detail that the jagged edges of radius exposed the cratered center of its marrow. Blood was pooled around his head, dripping from his nostrils to sink past an open mouth, frozen eternally into what could only be a look of surprise. The boys legs drifted off the page, fading into nothingness.

“Who was he?” Brian swallowed, reaching for the joint the hide the apprehension in his chest. He knew those eyes, the same ones Justin had been drawing ever since Brian had found him. The same ones that Brian had every inclination to believe were an element to Justin’s nightmares.

Justin paused, starting to write then stopping, he gnawed on the pink skin of his lips then finally made a decision, he passed the pad over then cast his gaze away from Brian, standing to look out the window onto the expanse behind Britin.

‘The boy I killed.’ The words screamed at Brian, the joint falling onto the table, cracking, and letting off a small spark of protest at the treatment.

“What the fuck do you mean, killed?” Brian’s eyes darted back between the notepad and the picture, his chair scraping the floor then clattering from his violent evacuation.

Justin's arms crossed over his chest, fingers white from clutching his biceps. Grabbing the notepad Brian gipped Justin’s arm, turning him, pausing when he saw the thick tears spilling over the artist's cheeks. A silent broken sob escaped and Justin’s chest reverberated with hitching breaths. “Sunshine.” Justin refused to look at him, body shaking and Brian tugged his lover so that their chests were pressed close. “You gotta elaborate more than that.” Shaking his head Justin pushed his face into Brian’s shoulder, his hands fisting the back of his dress shirt.

Not for the first time since he’d found Justin Brian wished he had been given the power to read minds. Tears wet his shoulder and he bit his lip then tucked Justin’s head under his chin, sliding his arm around the still too thin waist. Slowly Justin’s body stilled, his fingers loosening as he pulled back, blue eyes rimmed in a blood-driven red.

‘My fault.’ Justin mouthed the words slowly, motioning toward the drawing on the table as he pulled back, taking the pad of paper from Brian’s hand to scrawl on it. ‘He died because I made a mistake.’ Brian took in the words then shook his head. “That doesn’t mean you killed him, idiot.” Scowling at the response Justin’s hand moved furiously across the paper then shoved it to Brian’s chest.

‘You mean just like it wasn’t your fault I was smashed with a bat?’ Brian could hear the growl in the written words, Justin ignoring him, reaching for the now-dead joint.

“And I’ll say the same fucking thing you told me. It wasn’t your fault.” Snorting at Brian’s comeback Justin lit the joint, taking a hit, crossing his arms again over his bare chest. With a soft almost inaudible snarl Brain grabbed Justin by the arms, locking their eyes. “You’re a lotta fucking things Justin, a murderer isn’t one of them, or did you forget Hobbs?” Pushing at Brian’s arms Justin pulled the joint from his mouth, frustration coating his face as he was pressed against the table. “You had a gun to his mouth, the little shit on his knees and you didn’t kill him. Yet you think you’re responsible for the death of some kid? Bullshit.” The joint fell to the table and Justin shoved both palms to Brian’s shoulders, eyes dark even as the elder man ignored him, pushing their bodies together. “You said it yourself, you made a fucking mistake.”

‘Left him,’ Justin mouthed the words, fingers digging into Brian’s shoulders, the ad executive’s face a hairs breath away, so close he felt the words more than saw them.

“I’m not leaving you though.” Brians words echoed in the space between them, scant moments before Justin launched himself forward, lips pressed against Brian’s in a desperate joining. Ignoring the half lit joint Brain lifted the blond, legs wrapping around Brian’s waist as Justin started to tug at his hair franticlly. Teeth and tongues met, mapping the breaths between them. Justin rolled his hips and Brian paused for only a moment as hard flesh pressed against his own.

“Thank god.” Brian pulled Justin’s hips closer, his own graveting and the previously fierce eyes glazed with lust, blue into brown. ‘Fuck me.’ Justin mouthed the words, pressing wet bites along Brian’s throat, his fingers deftly working on the button’s of his shirt. ‘Please, fuck me.’ Biting Brian’s ear lightly, Justin slid his hands into the now open shirt. “No need to beg.” Smirking Brian lifted Justin, quickly pulling the waistband of the sweatpants down, grin near maniacal as he eyed the hard cock twitching against Justin’s stomach and thigh. 

Palming the blood filled organ Brian had never been happier to see he pushed Justin back to lay against the table, the blond eagerly taking the direction. Undoing his pants Brian fished the condom and lube packet from his pocket, thumb dipping across the slit of Justin’s cock, smearing the fluid, drawing out the first real sound he’d heard from Justin, a deep groan that radiated in the kitchen. Blue eyes were closed and Justin tugged at Brian’s hand in encouragement. “Fuck,” ripping the packet with his teeth, Brian wasted no time, wetting his fingers he leaned, catching Justin’s cock between his lips, fingers searching between his cheeks.

Salty precum drove across Brian’s tongue and he pressed a finger experimentally against the puckered hole he had claimed so many times before. There was a brief resistance, Justin’s clutching at his hair, hips jerking, heel pressing into Brian’s shoulder. Working his finger inside, Brian shifted his mouth lower, encompassing the artist's cock in warm heat. A strangled moan escaped the blond as he fought nausea driving into his throat. He wanted this and like hell, he would let anything ruin the first orgasm he’d had in a year.

Twisting his fingers as Justin’s hole relaxed against him, Brian pulled back, tonguing the slit of Justin’s cock before ripping the condom open with his teeth. “Look at me,” rolling the condom down his cock Brian gripped Justin’s with his free hand, pumping him slowly. With herculean effort Justin opened his eyes, meeting Brian’s. His hips arched sharply then pushed back as the blunt head of Brian’s cock was worked inside, the harsh burn giving way to the filling of being filled.

Bracing himself with one arm Brian leaned, catching Justin’s lips, swallowing the sweet sounds he’d grown to love as he worked Justin’s cock with his hand, his hips snapping back and forth, rolling every few moments. Sweat dripped between their bodies, Justin’s leg hooking over Brian’s shoulder, other leg hooked around his waist. Fast and ruthless they clutched at each other, hearts racing and bodies pressed against another’s in a familiar dance.

Justin arched, fingers digging into Brian’s neck as he came, half-sobbing as he moaned, pushing back at Brian until he felt the familiar feeling of the condom filling. “Missed this,” Brian was the first to recover, but instead of pulling back he leaned forward, catching Justin’s lips, their bodies slick with sweat and fluids and for the first time, Brian felt like maybe, just maybe, Justin could be his old self. Then the blond vomited.

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I give you...sex...and awkwardness. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter. My spring break is next week so hopefully, I will have another update. After that, I make no promises on my speed as I'll have a test in AP2 every week layered with Mathematics and Nutrition as well as my teas test.  
> <3 Much love and thank you for reading.
> 
> Special shout out to BhGriggs for betaing this chapter!


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